Just received word from my lawyer that the damages case against the Dutch hospitals for their incorrect and damaging treatment of my intersex case can not proceed because her medical adviser can not advise. The issue is that he can not find any specialists who can advise since all the Dutch ones are mentioned in the file and the Belgian and German ones couldn't advise since the protocols there are too different. This means that his advise is inconclusive and no medical basis for the case can be determined.
I think that this is indicative of how deeply intrenched this issue I'm dealing with is in the medical world, not just in the Netherlands, but world-wide. Unless someone knows a miraculous lawyer and medical adviser, I don't think that I can start a legal case.
And yet I have to do something with these seven years I have suffered due to the treatment of the Dutch medical and other systems. I still need more medical help and recognition for what has happened to me so that I can rebuild my life. It's not over yet for me. Nor is it over for the hundreds of millions of intersex people around the world who go through similar hellish scenarios.
I have contacted a first Dutch television show on this problem (Pauw & Witteman) as they are very much about cutting-edge issues. Beyond them I do not know of anyone else who might be able to help.
Suddenly this issue has turned from a certain win in court to another trench war. I really need some respite here. Anyone who can help or knows someone who can help, please do, or do ask... this needs media attention as it's just become very serious.
My mental state? Shaken, upset, crying and heading straight towards another stab at suicide again if I don't quickly find something to stabilize things with...
Please help... don't ignore me... don't let me fade... don't let me die...
Please...
Maya
5 comments:
While we need the courage to change what we can change, we also need to find the serenity to accept that which we can not change and most of all: The wisdom to recognize the one from the other?
It sucks to be dependent on other people and their small minded ideas, but we can't force them to change if they don't want to change? Just hold on, in time -- maybe not in our time -- things will get better…
There is one option which I'm currently pursuing with the help from friends: to take the case to the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR). This is also the usual choice after one's case has been dismissed or otherwise not worked out in one's member country.
The focus hereby would be on the human rights aspect, naturally, which is at the center of the issue.
@jankkhvej - I'm not seeking blame here. I'm seeking to do something with the past seven years. Running away from what has happened to be isn't going to do much good. To deal with my traumas I have to go through it all again anyway.
I also want to do something about this general issue of intersex people having their basic human rights denied. If I'm not going to do it, who will? So far I'm the only person in Germany, Netherlands and Belgium who is fighting for intersex rights.
The last thing I need is a pat on the head and a 'you did well to not kill yourself' before being pushed off to start rebuilding my life. What do I have in terms of a life anyway? Virtually nothing.
You don't tell a war veteran to just forget about his or her experiences and go back to regular civil life, especially not after suffering PTSD. At that point the war is inside their heads much like this war on human rights is inside my head.
For them the war never ends, nor will it for me...
I'm not trying to make this war into my life. I would love nothing more than to get away from it and focus on my life. Yet I can't at this point as I'm trying to make the best of things not really think of any way to improve things...
I could give up on trying to get attention for what has happened to me and move on... but it'd come back double-fold later on. I have to deal with it somehow.
I think that a lot of the people who are commenting here don't understand how you feel about your experiences. They know that you've been depressed and that it's been a major part of your life, but I don't think they understand just how much your experiences have become a part of you.
You will never be able to come to terms with what has happened to you unless you can find some sort of closure. You want the people who put you through seven years of hell to understand that what they have done is wrong.
I think it is admirable that after everything you've been through, you still want to fight for what is right. Just because people don't understand your body and the emotional journey that you've been on, doesn't mean that it isn't your right as a human being to be dealt with in a respectable way. It is your right to seek help.
One day somebody else will be in your situation, and maybe if you use your experiences to try and change the system now, you can spare them the pain that you've had to endure.
If this is what you feel like you should do to make peace with this, then you have every right to do it. Nobody else can understand what it's like to be you, so nobody else has the right to judge your actions.
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