When an intersex woman isn't just a woman

Two common questions which I often get asked during interviews are:

• Do you feel more like a man or a woman?
• Do you prefer men or women? (in a 'love' sense).

I found it very hard to figure out the answer to the first question. Not so much because it's a hard question, but more because of the indoctrination of society and its binary way of thinking. When it comes down to it, the first question isn't even a real question, but a trick question.

You do not 'feel' like a 'man' or a 'woman', as this does not make any sense. As every human brain is unique, we can only feel like ourselves, independent from the configuration of our genitals. The definition of 'man' or 'woman' in the dictionary sense therefore refers to one's physical sex. Basically, you are a woman on account of having grown up with a female body, or you are a man on account of having grown up with a male body.

This is something which becomes quite apparent when I look at intersex women. For CAIS (complete androgen insensitivity syndrome) and XXY women in particular, they generally are not even aware of the fact that they have anything but regular female bodies, until they start fertility treatments to become pregnant, or run into the binarist and highly discriminating sport world. In either case it is ridiculous to state that they are anything but women, even if they may gather some (less pleasant) experiences along the way on account of discrimination and harassment by their environment.


In my own situation, I share the notion that my sense of how I feel or see myself hasn't changed, despite having grown up as an officially designated 'male' person until it was discovered that I do in fact have a female reproductive system as well. I recognise that on account of those first years and growing up with a body that is at least partially 'male', that it is something that will always be part of me.

Yet at the same time that my body did a half-hearted attempt to be 'male', most of the development during puberty went into female development, so that my sensation of growing up with this body is a curious mixture of typical male and female experiences. I would say that these experiences defined me as a typical hermaphrodite. Not just a man or a woman, but a mixture of both.

As a result, even though my passport says that I'm 'female' and I'm grateful that this matches society's expectations with regard to my looks to prevent annoying questions, I still wish that society could accept that us intersex people can be more than just 'women'. I'm an intersex woman, a hermaphroditic woman, a chimera, and my own person. These are experiences that I must acknowledge if I want to be myself. Everything that I experienced, all that I went through as a child, teenager and beyond, all of that is part of who and what I am.

It's the kind of diversity that society will hopefully embrace one day.


Maya