A person's path to happiness

Surging blackness, coursing through one's mind
Overwhelming pain that blinds one to reality.
Just this feeling of bleakness,
The futility of existence.

Glimpses of other people, living
Lives which are so easy and filled
With carefree attitudes, which
Brush off anything negative in life

Sorrow using its razor-sharp claws
Tears apart the very essence of who and
What I am, until nothing remains but
A shadow of who I once thought I was.

Nothing left but these tears which flow down
My blood-streaked face, but whose blood?
I do not know anything, it's all
A blur, all of my memories.

Warmth, the promise of happiness,
A care-free life, free of this endless
Suffering that makes every one of
My smiles seem fake, like plastic.

Could I truly be permitted,
Feel this terror subside,
Embrace a sensation of safety,
Even if it's just an illusion?

I see others, smiling
Laughing and dancing with
Hearts that are unburdened by
The tragedy of existence.

This horrible feeling that once
I could have been like them.
No more, paradise lost, innocence
Perished in a dark alleyway.

Yet I smile, laugh, even though
It hurts so much inside.
Telling myself that it's much worse
Inside the confines of my thoughts.

There will always be sunlight,
Happy people, laughing and dancing.
There will always be darkness,
Sad people looking from behind bars.

Some people cannot be happy, as
It is not permitted for everyone
To be happy, to maintain
The tragedy of existence.



These bars I find myself behind,
Are they of my own making?



Happy memories of sunshine, of walking
Barefooted on grass, looking forward
To a long Summer holiday, fondly recalling
What seems like a torturous lie.


Sunshine.


        A sun-shaded path.
       
       
A promise, far away.
Walking barefoot on
A gravel-strewn path.
Any day now.


        Ignoring my blood,
        Splattered on the path
        Behind me.
       
       
Almost there.


Maya

Friends Nearby; Friends Far Away

You say you care about me. You say you love me.
You hug me. You embrace me. Closer together isn't possible.

You say you care about me. You say you love me.
You hug me. You keep a bit of distance.

You say you care about me. You say you wish me the best.
You hug me. You keep your distance.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We shake hands. We'll probably never see each other again.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We never so much as shake hands. The smile might be true.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
We just randomly met.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
You sent me a message and never follow-up on my response.

You say you care about me. You wish me the best.
You live at the other side of the world. They're just words.

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
I don't know who you are. Who am I?

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
You vent your frustrations on me. I feel miserable now.

You say you care about me. You say you'll help me.
I'm feeling so terrible right now. Where are you?

You say you'll be there for me. You say life is worth living.
I couldn't take the pain of life any more.

Where were you?


Maya

Accusations Without Recourse

The words of the verdict echo between the walls of
The court's hall, unassailable and beyond criticism.
Each syllable burning its way through my mind.
Filled with anger, outraged at this display of
Injustice never forced itself upon me like this.

Glancing about the hall for support, yet there are
Only leering and shouting faces show their support
For the judgement, guilty as charged.
While guards drag me away, I declare my innocence
Over and over again, to the public's amusement.

The bitter realization of truth being that which
The more powerful make it up at their own whim.
Manipulative, self-serving, convinced of their own
Right to do upon others as they deem fit from inside
Their narrow-minded world of deceit and lies.

Never having been allowed to plead my case, my few
Friends are powerless to undo this injustice.
A mere sacrificial pawn for those unhindered by
Morals are only for fools and the weak.
All that rests me are the hours until first daylight.

The morning's first rays, and its mild breeze; I feel
Tears are streaming down my face unchecked. Before me
The executioner's block, fattened from so much blood.
In the crowd, those I trusted, those I thought friends.
I scream out my defiance, my pain and hatred.

Before being pushed down onto the block, head-first
Their amused smirks like daggers into my soul.
Nothing is left, nothing can be done, except give in.
Die, for the satisfaction of those who least deserve
Drawing breath, I bitterly smile for the last time ever.


Maya

Someone Perfect...

To find someone who is just like me, who shares
The same desires and dreams, values and likes.
Someone I could talk with about anything, any time,
Who'd listen and whom I'd listen to in turn, who'd
Share, provide, take and give, always ending up with
More than we'd start with, losing track of time.

Gazing into your eyes, I see every part of myself
Exposed, lying bare to the elements within your soul.
Simultaneously you're exposed to me likewise, I feel
Every sensation of unrest, of doubt calmed like the
Waves upon an endless sea, warmed by the shining sun.
I wish I could stay in this warmth, this calm forever...

As this dream is breached and begins to fade away,
Harsh reality informs me that I'm merely a fool.
Never shall I find such a person, despite all of my
Searching for something which is unobtainable.
Yet the dream lingers on, never letting me forget
Its sweet caress and intense inner peace and joy.

Life is merely a grey copy, a reflection in a
Dust-covered mirror, only harshness reigns supreme.
The comparison with the dream, the pain I feel inside.
If destined to never meet you, I wish to rip out this pain,
Discard what is useless to me, leaving me in ignorance of
What could have been, only captured in a fading dream.

As I keep searching, the dream fades away ever more,
The feelings I desperately protect inside withering.
Fading hope, ever-increasing pain, loneliness. No one
Who can answer the dream, all I see are reflections of
A lie others indulge in, feeding their sense of misery,
Yet never realizing how their lives have been destroyed.

My ambitions still reaching for the far-away horizon,
Stumbling on, your image nothing but a blur to me.
In the distance, distorted, a figure. Standing still,
Waiting. For someone? For me? Such nonsense.
Coming closer, the blur a real person again, the
Embrace, the eyes, the warmth. Perfection.


Maya

Gone...

Bleak shadows pass me by as I sit on this black, cold rock.
Its cold draining the last remains of warmth my body
Desperately tries to hang on to, my life force fading.
Surrounding me a place beyond even the shimmering twilight,
Lit by a ghastly moon, dark shapes within a pale, deserted world.

How long have I been sitting here? I don't know... I don't
Remember how everything ended up like this, if it even ever
Started, since in this world of Shadows there is no time.
Nothing in here touches me or can be touched. Everything is
Distant, like a lost memory, fading beyond recollection.

A shadow moves closer... as though inspecting what I presume
Is my body. Its featureless presence evoking no emotions.
A sudden presence invading my thoughts, piercing through
Like a knife through soft flesh, my defenses useless.
The upwelling of intense pain, emotional chaos inflamed.

Falling towards the ground, I add my voice of agony to
The eternal choir of the damned which pervades this place.
As numbing darkness envelopes me, the eternal pain finally
Departs from my body and soul, leaving me in blissful peace.
As conscious thought terminates, I wish for this to be the end.

Ghastly, distorted shadows surround me as I lie writhing in
Agony in this twisted world, to which I regret to have awoken.
I can hear their laughing, their talking and ridiculing, yet I
Do not know who they are or grasp their disgust with me.
Their words forming daggers which pierce and destroy.

To my horror I see my body pierced by actual daggers,
Ripping apart my flesh, my organs, as my life flows out of me.
Incited to the ultimate blood lust, moving closer, their distorted
Jaws opening to reveal new levels of horror before sinking
Into my flesh to devour and feed upon those who are weak.

Opening my eyes once more I find myself sitting yet again
On the black, cold rock., its piercing cold like the daggers
I remember... yet on my body no traces are visible to the eye.
Closing my eyes to find that blissful darkness again, I find
Eternal agony and suffering, without purpose or goal. Forever.


Maya