So I got denied medical care because of my intersex body

Previously I talked about hope, and how I have come to see it as something primarily negative. In that sense it seems somewhat ironic that after all the convincing that others and myself did that yesterday's appointment at the hospital would be different, it appears that this negative view got validated once more.

I had to wait two and a half hours before the doctor saw me, after originally having been told that it'd take about one and a half hour after I had some blood drawn and sent to the lab for testing. At that point I wasn't really that fresh any more, but nevertheless tried. I summarised the symptoms for the doctors, showed the reports so far, from anything from the abdominal scans, the spinal and brain scans, the endoscopic examination and the abdominal exploratory surgery in 2018. I got berated on not having everything in chronological order and no reports for all of the MRI scans.

The abdominal distension, gathering of fluids in the abdomen and weight gain got brushed aside, with me being referred to the gynaecological department for 'potential endometriosis', with the doctor talking to me like I had never heard of endometriosis and never asking me any questions. Then there is the persistent pain in the perineum that is highly reminiscent of vulvodynia[1], with symptoms gradually worsening since I was 11, with the past three or four years ramping up the pain, to it being continuous for the last few months.

Maybe because I mentioned it hurting like hell every time I go to the toilet, the doctor just focused on that aspect, insisted on poking up my bum to confirm that yes, it hurts like hell when you press on the perineum. I got referred to the proctologist, to basically repeat the same research of 2018 once again. Checking for fissures and such, after this had been discounted already. That appointment would be in well over a month from now, likely the prelude to an appointment weeks later when I'd have the endoscope shoved inside me again.


As for the actual symptoms, the abdominal distension, weight gain and fluid in abdomen in particular, when pushing the doctor on this, his response was that they 'have no experience with rare diseases like intersex, so they cannot help me'. Meanwhile the ultrasound machine was ready to be used behind me. A quick ultrasound scan would have taken literally minutes. Instead I felt treated like my abdomen was some freakish no-go zone.

It would take me a few hours for the comment about intersex being a 'disease' ('seltene Krankheit') to sink into my exhausted brain. It's the kind of language that has been popular since the beginning of last century [2], only then it was used by National Socialists and kin who liked their racial purity theories. Eventually during yesterday I would go from feeling rather numb to bursting out crying as reality began to hit me. Last night I slept poorly as a result, with the effects of re-traumatisation hitting hard.


So then, instead of having the actual symptoms addressed, I'd get pacified with 'something', that would involve humiliating and invasive examinations, while not doing anything about the actual symptoms with which I came to the hospital. Even though my GP also agrees that endometriosis is an option, she and I are more worried about the monthly fluids that would be gathering in my abdomen - to hopefully get reabsorbed - since my female reproductive organs got jumbled during development. Endometriosis treatments would not address this.

In the end then, there is no medical help for me. Not even for diagnosing something that isn't necessarily even related to my intersex condition. I very likely got fluid in my abdomen and bowel obstruction. Every person has an abdominal cavity with some organs in it. Every person has intestines. Presence or absence or configuration of reproductive organs should not be a consideration in this kind of basic diagnosis involving the abdomen as a whole, and the state of one's intestines. Yet apparently being intersex immediately disqualifies one for any kind diagnosis there.


This is the end of me trying to find medical help, then. While these symptoms that I have will very likely keep persisting, it's futile for me to try and find help with it. Because the moment it's discovered that I do not have a standard male or female body, I'm instantly disqualified. I guess the best I can hope for with this diseased body of mine is that the dentist will still want to check my teeth.

Will these symptoms worsen? Maybe. Am I risking my life and health by leaving it untreated? Maybe, what choice do I have? Clearly I was born in the wrong body for society, ergo I was on my own to begin with.


Maya


[1] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vulvodynia/symptoms-causes/syc-20353423
[2] https://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2020/01/surviving-auschwitz-on-sins-of-being.html