The first hurdle has been passed: my visa request got approved right away, basically as soon as the office in Australia opened. No 8 weeks processing time as the site mentioned, but about 4 hours, most of which was during the early morning hours in Australia when everything was still closed. It's a good start.
Next up is finding a job. This should be easy since I'm looking for an IT job, programming, video editing, software engineering or similar. See the resume on my main site for details. I got some friends looking around for me, and I have put my resume on Australian job sites and submitted it to various companies. Considering the booming IT market and lack of people to fill positions I should have no trouble finding a job.
Once I have a job I'll know where I'll be staying in Australia and can arrange for a place to stay, whether it's temporarily at someone else's place or that I'll already arrange an apartment. This is the part where things get quite fuzzy.
I'd like to repeat once more that I have no intention of abandoning the company my colleague and I have build over the past years. I still want to work full-time in Nyanko and earn my income from it. I want my colleague to be happy with everything as well and get his income from the company too. It's only fair, and with all the plans for the future we both have, it would be beyond a shame to let it all go to waste.
A job is a financial crutch in this case. There's no realistic way for me to otherwise establish a foothold in Australia. But it also nets me a lot of benefits, including a social connection with the people there and a clear focus in my life while I get settled, without any significant worries about the financial side.
Today I also contacted another Australian TV channel regarding my story. I hope at least one TV channel shows an interest in my story. It would really help me with getting settled in Australia if I got some recognition, not to mention the help it would provide to people like me who live in societies as intolerant as that of the Netherlands.
Maya
Showing posts with label business. Show all posts
Showing posts with label business. Show all posts
Friday, 10 June 2011
Friday, 20 August 2010
Life's Many Sides
Yesterday afternoon I had another student visit me. I had met her via an international social networking site, and as it turned out she was living in Amsterdam, just a short distance from where I live. She first contacted me after reading my profile on that site and expressed her admiration for being so frank about everything. Fun part is that she is from the UK and has been studying here for just two years, so I got a chance to really practice speaking English again. I'm quite sure I didn't too bad.
As usual, talking about the things which really bother me in my life drained me quite a great deal, so I ended up going to bed early, only to find myself unable to fall asleep with me going over parts of the conversation that day. I didn't feel exactly happy either, slowly slipping back into the mood I have when I'm tired and somewhat depressed, during which I find myself longing for the oblivion of death. It wasn't until I had a chance to soak Pieter's shirt with tears and trash around a bit while I unleashed my frustrations and pain that I was finally able to fall asleep.
It's basically the same thing when I'm talking to others: I feel jealous of the things they can do and experience which I can't. I find myself frustrated at the sluggish pace at which my medical case is being treated, with the appointment for the urological examination at the UMCG hospital being postponed this week by another week, making it October 4th when I'll be made either very happy with a conclusive explanation for my body's weirdness or it'll be just more inconclusive junk or lies which will cause me to lose any desire to live for at least a few weeks.
During the conversation yesterday I noticed again that everything for me seems to be about getting those facts about my body, including what the heck is up with this existent/non-existent prostate, and whether I do or do not have a vagina and if not what in heaven's name it is what I have down there in that case. At least when we're talking about anything related to my body, which includes socializing, relationships and sexuality. That's the side of life I just can not accept, can't deal with and would much prefer not to exist at all at this point.
Last Wednesday I was reading the fourth book in the Anita Blake series I mentioned before, and Pieter must have forgotten about one section in it, because a pornographic scene was described in detail in it, causing me to instantly feel sick and miserable for the rest of the evening. So much for reading that series. I was even just beginning to like it somewhat.
I just checked today's date and realized we're already approaching the end of August. Just a little while longer to my birthday on September 4th which I'd rather skip because I have nothing to celebrate at this point. Maybe next year I'll actually feel okay with another year having passed instead of it sending me spiraling straight into a suicidal depression.
This date also means that Trevor and I have to get a playable version of TileWars ready soon if we want to get it ready for release by the end of next month. As my welfare runs out by the end of next month it seems kind of crucial to have something to show for all the money they have given me, and to gain some financial stability. I do wonder whether they'll want the money back as a loan since the company isn't bankrupt, or that they'll think of something else. So far the company isn't running a profit, let alone show any significant kind of revenue, so it's more like a zombie company at this point. I do hope I won't have to go through any financial troubles due to a lack of results.
I could use a break on so many fronts...
Maya
As usual, talking about the things which really bother me in my life drained me quite a great deal, so I ended up going to bed early, only to find myself unable to fall asleep with me going over parts of the conversation that day. I didn't feel exactly happy either, slowly slipping back into the mood I have when I'm tired and somewhat depressed, during which I find myself longing for the oblivion of death. It wasn't until I had a chance to soak Pieter's shirt with tears and trash around a bit while I unleashed my frustrations and pain that I was finally able to fall asleep.
It's basically the same thing when I'm talking to others: I feel jealous of the things they can do and experience which I can't. I find myself frustrated at the sluggish pace at which my medical case is being treated, with the appointment for the urological examination at the UMCG hospital being postponed this week by another week, making it October 4th when I'll be made either very happy with a conclusive explanation for my body's weirdness or it'll be just more inconclusive junk or lies which will cause me to lose any desire to live for at least a few weeks.
During the conversation yesterday I noticed again that everything for me seems to be about getting those facts about my body, including what the heck is up with this existent/non-existent prostate, and whether I do or do not have a vagina and if not what in heaven's name it is what I have down there in that case. At least when we're talking about anything related to my body, which includes socializing, relationships and sexuality. That's the side of life I just can not accept, can't deal with and would much prefer not to exist at all at this point.
Last Wednesday I was reading the fourth book in the Anita Blake series I mentioned before, and Pieter must have forgotten about one section in it, because a pornographic scene was described in detail in it, causing me to instantly feel sick and miserable for the rest of the evening. So much for reading that series. I was even just beginning to like it somewhat.
I just checked today's date and realized we're already approaching the end of August. Just a little while longer to my birthday on September 4th which I'd rather skip because I have nothing to celebrate at this point. Maybe next year I'll actually feel okay with another year having passed instead of it sending me spiraling straight into a suicidal depression.
This date also means that Trevor and I have to get a playable version of TileWars ready soon if we want to get it ready for release by the end of next month. As my welfare runs out by the end of next month it seems kind of crucial to have something to show for all the money they have given me, and to gain some financial stability. I do wonder whether they'll want the money back as a loan since the company isn't bankrupt, or that they'll think of something else. So far the company isn't running a profit, let alone show any significant kind of revenue, so it's more like a zombie company at this point. I do hope I won't have to go through any financial troubles due to a lack of results.
I could use a break on so many fronts...
Maya
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Finishing Up The Year
Yesterday I went unexpectedly with Pieter and a bunch of his friends to one of the largest cinemas in this country to see the new Avatar movie in luxurious IMAX 3D format. Beforehand I had been reading up on this movie, watching trailers and reading reviews. I thought it'd be a cheesy, uninspired experience with only the 3D effect as its saving grace. Boy, how wrong I was.
First of all, the atmosphere in general is awesome, everything feels right. The alien world is alien, the humans are human. The planet the story plays out on really does feel like a complete world, with its flora, fauna and native inhabitants who live in complete harmony with it. Granted, the story as a whole is the usual 'hero saves the day and gets the girl' cliche and is accompanied by many more cliches, yet it doesn't feel cliche. It just works and feels right together. The dialogue doesn't feel out of place either, even though some accused it of being groan-worthy.
The 3D effect is accomplished using two projectors and a polarization-preserving screen, whereby the viewers have to wear passive polarization glasses, essentially sun glasses with one glass turned 90 degrees so that one side lets through the horizontal and the other the vertical polarized light. When viewing the screen without the glasses one would see two images (left and right eye) displayed simultaneously.
The 3D effect was satisfactory, if imperfect. One has to keep one's head perfectly level for the best effect, tilting to one side lets through part of the other image, ruining the effect. Polarization artifacts were visible on edges and shiny surfaces (water, non-CGI faces mostly). The framerate didn't suffice during action scenes and when the camera was panning or moving quickly, making detail vanish in a blur. Nearby objects in the 3D effect also suffered from a lack of resolution, looking blurry and insubstantial.
In short, it's a fun movie and the 3D effect is worth experiencing. I would prefer to see the flaws fixed, though, and change the passive polarization technique to active shutter glasses, which should give a more perfect 3D experience. The 3D Blu-ray spec just got finalized, however, so maybe Pieter and I will be watching such movies on our own HDTV soon :) It's a good thing we got a Playstation 3, though, as all existing Blu-ray stand-alone players won't be able to support 3D movies and will have to be replaced. Don't you just love progress? It does once more rub in the point that the PS3 is the best Blu-ray player you can get, though.
Next week will be an extremely busy week for me, as I have managed to cram it full with appointments. On Monday I will talk to an urologist at the Flevo hospital regarding the list of issues I mentioned in my previous post. What I'm most interested in is what is going on with my prostate, if I even have one. Before I started with the hormone therapy I could ejaculate and the ejaculate would be this thick, gel-like substance which now apparently is some kind of mystery fluid since I never had a working prostate to begin with, or perhaps it's due to a hyper-stimulated female prostate thanks to the elevated levels of testosterone. Surprisingly Google doesn't seem willing to give the answers to whether the latter is possible. It'll be interesting to see what the urologist has to say about it.
On Tuesday I have an appointment in Lelystad at the Zelfstandigenloket, regarding my Bbz welfare extension. It should be just a formality. Wednesday is still open, though I may do some window shopping in Amsterdam with Pieter then, or perhaps I'll have an interview instead (more on that later). On Thursday I have a GP appointment and during the afternoon my weekly torture hour. It's going to be fun. At least I'll be wrapping up a lot of stuff this week this way.
Regarding the Bbz extension, someone from the IMK will be dropping by again most likely to check up on the progress the company has made. In this regard we should be fine. Our first game, called 'Even Cats Dream', or ECD for short, has reached the late Alpha stage. We have begun to work on the game's levels, creating the resources for them and putting the actual levels together. Trevor has been working really hard the past month on getting things to this stage. Now I get to join in on the fun as well with playing with 3D models and textures and everything. Designing levels really is fun, even within the current limits imposed by the game's framework. Within weeks we should be able to let volunteers start beta testing and creating levels for the game using the built-in level designer which has seen a rapid evolution the past weeks.
I'm fairly sure the IMK guy will agree that things are progressing nicely, though I would very much like to show a demo of the Lilium hardware simulator. With how busy I'll be the coming time I'm not sure whether I'll make it in time, but maybe with this holidays thing the appointment won't be until early January. We'll see.
Maya
First of all, the atmosphere in general is awesome, everything feels right. The alien world is alien, the humans are human. The planet the story plays out on really does feel like a complete world, with its flora, fauna and native inhabitants who live in complete harmony with it. Granted, the story as a whole is the usual 'hero saves the day and gets the girl' cliche and is accompanied by many more cliches, yet it doesn't feel cliche. It just works and feels right together. The dialogue doesn't feel out of place either, even though some accused it of being groan-worthy.
The 3D effect is accomplished using two projectors and a polarization-preserving screen, whereby the viewers have to wear passive polarization glasses, essentially sun glasses with one glass turned 90 degrees so that one side lets through the horizontal and the other the vertical polarized light. When viewing the screen without the glasses one would see two images (left and right eye) displayed simultaneously.
The 3D effect was satisfactory, if imperfect. One has to keep one's head perfectly level for the best effect, tilting to one side lets through part of the other image, ruining the effect. Polarization artifacts were visible on edges and shiny surfaces (water, non-CGI faces mostly). The framerate didn't suffice during action scenes and when the camera was panning or moving quickly, making detail vanish in a blur. Nearby objects in the 3D effect also suffered from a lack of resolution, looking blurry and insubstantial.
In short, it's a fun movie and the 3D effect is worth experiencing. I would prefer to see the flaws fixed, though, and change the passive polarization technique to active shutter glasses, which should give a more perfect 3D experience. The 3D Blu-ray spec just got finalized, however, so maybe Pieter and I will be watching such movies on our own HDTV soon :) It's a good thing we got a Playstation 3, though, as all existing Blu-ray stand-alone players won't be able to support 3D movies and will have to be replaced. Don't you just love progress? It does once more rub in the point that the PS3 is the best Blu-ray player you can get, though.
Next week will be an extremely busy week for me, as I have managed to cram it full with appointments. On Monday I will talk to an urologist at the Flevo hospital regarding the list of issues I mentioned in my previous post. What I'm most interested in is what is going on with my prostate, if I even have one. Before I started with the hormone therapy I could ejaculate and the ejaculate would be this thick, gel-like substance which now apparently is some kind of mystery fluid since I never had a working prostate to begin with, or perhaps it's due to a hyper-stimulated female prostate thanks to the elevated levels of testosterone. Surprisingly Google doesn't seem willing to give the answers to whether the latter is possible. It'll be interesting to see what the urologist has to say about it.
On Tuesday I have an appointment in Lelystad at the Zelfstandigenloket, regarding my Bbz welfare extension. It should be just a formality. Wednesday is still open, though I may do some window shopping in Amsterdam with Pieter then, or perhaps I'll have an interview instead (more on that later). On Thursday I have a GP appointment and during the afternoon my weekly torture hour. It's going to be fun. At least I'll be wrapping up a lot of stuff this week this way.
Regarding the Bbz extension, someone from the IMK will be dropping by again most likely to check up on the progress the company has made. In this regard we should be fine. Our first game, called 'Even Cats Dream', or ECD for short, has reached the late Alpha stage. We have begun to work on the game's levels, creating the resources for them and putting the actual levels together. Trevor has been working really hard the past month on getting things to this stage. Now I get to join in on the fun as well with playing with 3D models and textures and everything. Designing levels really is fun, even within the current limits imposed by the game's framework. Within weeks we should be able to let volunteers start beta testing and creating levels for the game using the built-in level designer which has seen a rapid evolution the past weeks.
I'm fairly sure the IMK guy will agree that things are progressing nicely, though I would very much like to show a demo of the Lilium hardware simulator. With how busy I'll be the coming time I'm not sure whether I'll make it in time, but maybe with this holidays thing the appointment won't be until early January. We'll see.
Maya
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Strange Pains
Something pleasantly unexpected happened last Friday. I had just returned from a visit at the GP's office (still haven't received the name of the oestrogen gel from UMCG's Weijmar Schultz, ones I got aren't obtainable) and was settling down for what appeared to be a quiet working day when I got a phone call from the IMK, the people who had advised me and the Zelfstandigenloket on the Bbz procedure. They told me that someone from the Business News Radio (connected to the 'Financieele Dagblad' financial newspaper) had contacted them about the possibility of interviewing an entrepreneur who had been enabled by the Bbz to start or resume his or her business. I agreed to this interview which would take place the same day.
The interview went well, my part took about eight minutes. Someone from the IMK dropped by as well and was interviewed after me. The total part which will be broadcast will be about four minutes. I forgot to ask when it'll be broadcast and for what show exactly, but I will get an MP3 recording of the segment which I'll put online and transcribe to English if there are enough requests. For my troubles I got a bouquet of flowers from the IMK. For them it was an opportunity to get more attention for themselves, for the Bbz option (welfare and loan options) and for me it was an opportunity to get some attention for my company and a bit for myself. Win-win, I guess :)
Saturday was shopping day. Pieter and I got a light for above the piano to get some proper illumination there. We also stopped by a DIY store where I looked at some halogen flood lights (construction lights) as these would be useful for photography purposes. I couldn't find a proper replacement light for the one that came with it, though (need white halogen, not the standard yellow), so I decided to wait a bit with any purchase and try to find that light tube somewhere else first.
After lunch we went into the city, looked at video cameras for Pieter and tried to find the bloody light. I did get a new mouse as the old one (cheap Sweex one) simply wasn't working that well any more, with the scroll wheel scrolling backwards at times and the resolution not up to snuff any more. It's a noticable improvement, even if it meant giving money to Microsoft :P
Finding the light tube was a nightmare, though. Even at the biggest shops specializing in lighting they weren't aware of it and didn't seem to carry it. Specifically I was looking for a Philips Halotone, the blue-tinted version at 300 Watt. An example can be found on this page: http://www.shuttertalk.com/articles/diylighting. I think I found it online at a Dutch webshop, but it lacks the necessary product details to make me feel certain it is the product I'm looking for other than the product image: http://www.vikingdirect.nl/a/sku%2Fbusiness%2FPhilips-Halotone-Economy-Staaf-300-W/pr=QHH&id=51885925/. It's all very confusing.
I did get the flood light in the end, but other than messing with the white balance on my cameras there's no other way to get 'white' light. As I intend to use the flood light for photography purposes, I feel it's important to get this fixed. I'm not totally happy about the stand I got with the flood light as well, as it's clearly more meant for construction sites rather than as photography gear. It's very hard to put away and the legs take up too much space. I'd like to find an alternative for it. Ah well.
Yesterday night I had a less enjoyable experience. Feeling down and with a few things in a movie and such reminding me of unpleasant things (PTSD, not being a boy or girl), I couldn't stop the flood of emotions which were welling up inside of me. Once again Pieter became the victim. It started with regular crying (out loud), then the deeper pain had to come out, followed by a lot of anger and frustrations (ripping Pieter's shirt to pieces) and finally me being unable to stop crying, bursting out in tears again when Pieter gave me a teddy bear plushie he keeps on his room. Seeing something cute or someone making me laugh is guaranteed to make me cry at such a time.
I simply couldn't stop crying, yet I was so tired and my throat raw from the crying and coughing. Fortunately I could get a sleeping pill again, and so I took it. After dozing for a bit in Pieter's bed I went to my own bed and soon felt the effects of the sleeping pill kick in. After reading one chapter in my current book (Darksword Trilogy), I gave the teddy bear which I had taken with me one last hug and went to sleep.
Waking up just before 7 AM, I felt relatively okay. Swimming went fine too, as I felt relatively detached from my emotions. This time was actually enjoyable and I didn't feel that tired at the end. After swimming Pieter and I went into the city again to go buy a video camera. He had been doing his own research and had come to the conclusion that the Canon Legria FS200 was the best option for him as well. He got the FS200 with a 4 GB SD card and a camera bag plus a tripod. I know that he bought the camera for himself, but that if it wasn't for me he would have bought it later, after he had received his new organ. I think he's a truly awesome guy for doing this and for allowing me to use the camera.
Jan had also offered to get me that video camera, but I guess we'll have to arrange something else now. In some sense I'm relieved, though, as it made me feel so self-conscious about the code of the site I have written. Not that it is bad or anything, mind you. I just don't like feeling as though I'm leeching off others :) Anyway, expect my horrific videos on YouTube soon, as soon as I can find the right program for video editing. Any tips?
Near the end of our lunch at home I began to feel weird. I was eating a popsicle (ice pop, for all non-Americans) when my tummy felt... strange. I managed to finish the ice pop and liked the taste, but it began to feel increasingly more wrong to ingest anything. Then the pains started.
I'm not sure how to describe the pain. It was abdominal, not firmly located in one place. One time it was spreading throughout my abdomen and lower part of the upper torso, then it were sharp stabbing pains. At some points it was bearable, just a bit sore-ish, then it suddenly intensified to the point where I didn't know what to do except grit my teeth and ride it out. The pain was so bad that I couldn't keep myself from crying, something I almost never do when in pain. In comparison the only thing which comes close in my experience is a severe migraine. It's a pain you can't ignore, can't escape from. Pieter was considering taking me to the ER.
After lying in my bed for what seemed like a very long time the pain must have subsided enough that I fell asleep from exhaustion and slept for 3 hours straight. I'm feeling much better now, although I really don't have an appetite, even skipping dinner which as far as I can remember is something I haven't done since the last time I was truly sick. Around when I was 8 years old or so. My temperature is normal and I feel relatively okay, I just don't have an appetite though I can drink tea without issues.
I haven't experienced a pain like this before. Considering the symptoms I'm thinking of food poisoning, though I'm not sure what might have caused it since I haven't eaten anything unusual or anything from a packaging or such I haven't eaten from before. I'll see how it goes tomorrow. Let's hope I can get back to work then.
Time to end this blog post which has gotten very long by now :)
Maya
The interview went well, my part took about eight minutes. Someone from the IMK dropped by as well and was interviewed after me. The total part which will be broadcast will be about four minutes. I forgot to ask when it'll be broadcast and for what show exactly, but I will get an MP3 recording of the segment which I'll put online and transcribe to English if there are enough requests. For my troubles I got a bouquet of flowers from the IMK. For them it was an opportunity to get more attention for themselves, for the Bbz option (welfare and loan options) and for me it was an opportunity to get some attention for my company and a bit for myself. Win-win, I guess :)
Saturday was shopping day. Pieter and I got a light for above the piano to get some proper illumination there. We also stopped by a DIY store where I looked at some halogen flood lights (construction lights) as these would be useful for photography purposes. I couldn't find a proper replacement light for the one that came with it, though (need white halogen, not the standard yellow), so I decided to wait a bit with any purchase and try to find that light tube somewhere else first.
After lunch we went into the city, looked at video cameras for Pieter and tried to find the bloody light. I did get a new mouse as the old one (cheap Sweex one) simply wasn't working that well any more, with the scroll wheel scrolling backwards at times and the resolution not up to snuff any more. It's a noticable improvement, even if it meant giving money to Microsoft :P
Finding the light tube was a nightmare, though. Even at the biggest shops specializing in lighting they weren't aware of it and didn't seem to carry it. Specifically I was looking for a Philips Halotone, the blue-tinted version at 300 Watt. An example can be found on this page: http://www.shuttertalk.com/articles/diylighting. I think I found it online at a Dutch webshop, but it lacks the necessary product details to make me feel certain it is the product I'm looking for other than the product image: http://www.vikingdirect.nl/a/sku%2Fbusiness%2FPhilips-Halotone-Economy-Staaf-300-W/pr=QHH&id=51885925/. It's all very confusing.
I did get the flood light in the end, but other than messing with the white balance on my cameras there's no other way to get 'white' light. As I intend to use the flood light for photography purposes, I feel it's important to get this fixed. I'm not totally happy about the stand I got with the flood light as well, as it's clearly more meant for construction sites rather than as photography gear. It's very hard to put away and the legs take up too much space. I'd like to find an alternative for it. Ah well.
Yesterday night I had a less enjoyable experience. Feeling down and with a few things in a movie and such reminding me of unpleasant things (PTSD, not being a boy or girl), I couldn't stop the flood of emotions which were welling up inside of me. Once again Pieter became the victim. It started with regular crying (out loud), then the deeper pain had to come out, followed by a lot of anger and frustrations (ripping Pieter's shirt to pieces) and finally me being unable to stop crying, bursting out in tears again when Pieter gave me a teddy bear plushie he keeps on his room. Seeing something cute or someone making me laugh is guaranteed to make me cry at such a time.
I simply couldn't stop crying, yet I was so tired and my throat raw from the crying and coughing. Fortunately I could get a sleeping pill again, and so I took it. After dozing for a bit in Pieter's bed I went to my own bed and soon felt the effects of the sleeping pill kick in. After reading one chapter in my current book (Darksword Trilogy), I gave the teddy bear which I had taken with me one last hug and went to sleep.
Waking up just before 7 AM, I felt relatively okay. Swimming went fine too, as I felt relatively detached from my emotions. This time was actually enjoyable and I didn't feel that tired at the end. After swimming Pieter and I went into the city again to go buy a video camera. He had been doing his own research and had come to the conclusion that the Canon Legria FS200 was the best option for him as well. He got the FS200 with a 4 GB SD card and a camera bag plus a tripod. I know that he bought the camera for himself, but that if it wasn't for me he would have bought it later, after he had received his new organ. I think he's a truly awesome guy for doing this and for allowing me to use the camera.
Jan had also offered to get me that video camera, but I guess we'll have to arrange something else now. In some sense I'm relieved, though, as it made me feel so self-conscious about the code of the site I have written. Not that it is bad or anything, mind you. I just don't like feeling as though I'm leeching off others :) Anyway, expect my horrific videos on YouTube soon, as soon as I can find the right program for video editing. Any tips?
Near the end of our lunch at home I began to feel weird. I was eating a popsicle (ice pop, for all non-Americans) when my tummy felt... strange. I managed to finish the ice pop and liked the taste, but it began to feel increasingly more wrong to ingest anything. Then the pains started.
I'm not sure how to describe the pain. It was abdominal, not firmly located in one place. One time it was spreading throughout my abdomen and lower part of the upper torso, then it were sharp stabbing pains. At some points it was bearable, just a bit sore-ish, then it suddenly intensified to the point where I didn't know what to do except grit my teeth and ride it out. The pain was so bad that I couldn't keep myself from crying, something I almost never do when in pain. In comparison the only thing which comes close in my experience is a severe migraine. It's a pain you can't ignore, can't escape from. Pieter was considering taking me to the ER.
After lying in my bed for what seemed like a very long time the pain must have subsided enough that I fell asleep from exhaustion and slept for 3 hours straight. I'm feeling much better now, although I really don't have an appetite, even skipping dinner which as far as I can remember is something I haven't done since the last time I was truly sick. Around when I was 8 years old or so. My temperature is normal and I feel relatively okay, I just don't have an appetite though I can drink tea without issues.
I haven't experienced a pain like this before. Considering the symptoms I'm thinking of food poisoning, though I'm not sure what might have caused it since I haven't eaten anything unusual or anything from a packaging or such I haven't eaten from before. I'll see how it goes tomorrow. Let's hope I can get back to work then.
Time to end this blog post which has gotten very long by now :)
Maya
Friday, 14 August 2009
Counting Down
Two events I'm counting down to at this point: appointment at the UMCG, 7 days; Grazia interview, 1 week, 6 days. Yesterday it hit me intensely how much I loathe going to hospitals, specialists and such, as well as how intensely grateful I am to Pieter that he is willing to accompany me. I wish from the bottom of my heart that this will be the last time that I'll be going to an appointment with such a great deal of uncertainty looming over me. After nearly five years of the same string of disappointments I think I'm due for a change of scenery, if you catch my drift. I really wish it was all over already.
I'm looking forward to the interview, though. To me it feels like a kind of justification of me stubbornly hanging on to what I feel is 'right', not necessarily about facts, but mostly about how someone with a pressing request for help should be treated. I feel like I have been treated akin to dirt by virtually every specialist and psychologist here in the Netherlands, with the real issues systematically being ignored. The magazine publication will not only make my situation and that of people like me more well-known, it should also help to uncover the truth behind the apparent fraud and other misconduct by Dutch hospitals. Just thinking back at what has happened to me thanks to them, I feel incredibly depressed as though they have literally taken away years and all purpose from my life. I hope that media attention and the hopefully resulting acceptation of who and what I am will help me regain some of my self-confidence and lessen this feeling of desperation.
Yesterday Pieter and I went to the house of a brother of his who is in the process of moving to a new house in order to pick up some furniture he doesn't need anymore. I have now gained a bed, a TV cabinet, couch and a small table for in the living room. Together with the things Pieter has for me, including a dinner table, I pretty much need just some dinner chairs and stuff for the kitchen and bathroom in my future apartment. Now the wait is on for the Bbz welfare recommendation report which the guy from the IMK is working on. I think he'll call me with the results early next week.
Today and the weekend I'll hardly see Pieter as today he has stuff to prepare for the wedding of a friend followed by that friend's bachelor party (including 'tasting' beer). He expects to be home around midnight, by which time I may already be asleep. Then tomorrow he'll leave early again for Enschede, for a Dungeons & Dragons geek fest the entire weekend. I think I may actually miss him :P
To avoid missing him too much, I'll be working on a few projects, including the new Content Management System (CMS) for the Nyanko site, Lilium and things for our current game, Even Cats Dream. I'm considering making the CMS (NCMS) available for free to others so as to speed up the debugging and development process, to eventually provide non-free licenses for commercial use (with support). Got to capitalize on what you have got, after all :)
So, time to get some breakfast and then back to work.
Maya
I'm looking forward to the interview, though. To me it feels like a kind of justification of me stubbornly hanging on to what I feel is 'right', not necessarily about facts, but mostly about how someone with a pressing request for help should be treated. I feel like I have been treated akin to dirt by virtually every specialist and psychologist here in the Netherlands, with the real issues systematically being ignored. The magazine publication will not only make my situation and that of people like me more well-known, it should also help to uncover the truth behind the apparent fraud and other misconduct by Dutch hospitals. Just thinking back at what has happened to me thanks to them, I feel incredibly depressed as though they have literally taken away years and all purpose from my life. I hope that media attention and the hopefully resulting acceptation of who and what I am will help me regain some of my self-confidence and lessen this feeling of desperation.
Yesterday Pieter and I went to the house of a brother of his who is in the process of moving to a new house in order to pick up some furniture he doesn't need anymore. I have now gained a bed, a TV cabinet, couch and a small table for in the living room. Together with the things Pieter has for me, including a dinner table, I pretty much need just some dinner chairs and stuff for the kitchen and bathroom in my future apartment. Now the wait is on for the Bbz welfare recommendation report which the guy from the IMK is working on. I think he'll call me with the results early next week.
Today and the weekend I'll hardly see Pieter as today he has stuff to prepare for the wedding of a friend followed by that friend's bachelor party (including 'tasting' beer). He expects to be home around midnight, by which time I may already be asleep. Then tomorrow he'll leave early again for Enschede, for a Dungeons & Dragons geek fest the entire weekend. I think I may actually miss him :P
To avoid missing him too much, I'll be working on a few projects, including the new Content Management System (CMS) for the Nyanko site, Lilium and things for our current game, Even Cats Dream. I'm considering making the CMS (NCMS) available for free to others so as to speed up the debugging and development process, to eventually provide non-free licenses for commercial use (with support). Got to capitalize on what you have got, after all :)
So, time to get some breakfast and then back to work.
Maya
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Busy-ness
After communicating to and from with the journalist I now know that the article on me will appear in the Grazia magazine (www.grazia.nl). The interview will be performed on the 27th of August, with the photographer making an appointment with me for a photoshoot probably before then. I don't have a publishing date yet. I somewhat hope that this article will appear in more magazines and will draw a lot of attention.
Yesterday I got a phonecall from a guy at the IMK (www.imk.nl), who will drop by this week (Friday) to check up on the viability of my company and whether I qualify for the Bbz welfare money. He seemed mostly intent on helping me get things in order than to merely criticize, which was really nice and somewhat unexpected. I hope to ace the check coming Friday. After that it'll still take a month or so before I'll actually get the money (starting from June), but I have the option of asking for an initial amount.
Today I have been mostly working on the Lilium hardware simulator, particularly implementing the Xerces C++ XML library. I hope to have the first demo (demo 1) up and running by the end of next week. Pieter will be helping me with some details as he's the expert on the requirements, and also a really nice guy :) It'll take a lot of testing to figure out the bottlenecks and most importantly scaling factors for the software itself, but also between Lilium and the competitor's software, ModelSim. I can't wait to start on the next Lilium builds :)
In completely unrelated news *wink*, I could use a geForce 8 (8800 GT+) or better videocard for testing purposes in this new crash box I'm setting up. So far it has an Athlon X2 4450e, 4 GB RAM and a built-in nForce 6150 IGP. Can't run PhysX and CUDA, in short. I'm also hoping I don't encounter any of the oddities I had before with this system (mainboard?) with the sound stuttering and the CPU always being at 50% load (1 core 100%). I'd hate to have to shell out for another AM2+ mainboard as well. Perhaps someone has the aforementioned videocard and an AM2+ board gathering dust...? :D
Tomorrow I'll be working a lot more on Lilium to finish the XML implementation and the simulation code so that I can start on the debugging phase. Friday there's the IMK review which starts at 10 AM and will probably last a few hours. I hope to start debugging that same day.
I'll also be working tomorrow on the resources for the first game Nyanko will release. The game is called 'Even Cats Dream' and is a kind of 3D puzzle game from a first-person perspective with a heavy focus on physics puzzles. Within two weeks we hope to begin beta-testing combined with the production of its levels using the level editor which is being worked on by Trevor at the moment. We'll be asking a few people to help us make those levels while beta testing the game simultaneously. It's going to be fun :) With a bit of luck we'll be releasing the game next month as planned.
Finally, this coming weekend I should be finishing the site I promised to make for Jan, many months ago. Sorry for taking so long, Jan :(
Another thing this weekend will be the lack of swimming on Sunday as a guy is coming over from Belgium to pick up the arcade cabinet I talked about before. Pieter will be glad to be rid of it so that he can stuff a table (my future dinner table ;) ) into the place the cabinet is taking up at the moment. That way he has enough space in one room to fit his new organ in, some time in September. Thanks to Pieter's not-so-housebroken dogs, he can't put the organ downstairs in the living room :P
Alright, back to contemplating whether I shall take a sleeping pill today or not...
Maya
Yesterday I got a phonecall from a guy at the IMK (www.imk.nl), who will drop by this week (Friday) to check up on the viability of my company and whether I qualify for the Bbz welfare money. He seemed mostly intent on helping me get things in order than to merely criticize, which was really nice and somewhat unexpected. I hope to ace the check coming Friday. After that it'll still take a month or so before I'll actually get the money (starting from June), but I have the option of asking for an initial amount.
Today I have been mostly working on the Lilium hardware simulator, particularly implementing the Xerces C++ XML library. I hope to have the first demo (demo 1) up and running by the end of next week. Pieter will be helping me with some details as he's the expert on the requirements, and also a really nice guy :) It'll take a lot of testing to figure out the bottlenecks and most importantly scaling factors for the software itself, but also between Lilium and the competitor's software, ModelSim. I can't wait to start on the next Lilium builds :)
In completely unrelated news *wink*, I could use a geForce 8 (8800 GT+) or better videocard for testing purposes in this new crash box I'm setting up. So far it has an Athlon X2 4450e, 4 GB RAM and a built-in nForce 6150 IGP. Can't run PhysX and CUDA, in short. I'm also hoping I don't encounter any of the oddities I had before with this system (mainboard?) with the sound stuttering and the CPU always being at 50% load (1 core 100%). I'd hate to have to shell out for another AM2+ mainboard as well. Perhaps someone has the aforementioned videocard and an AM2+ board gathering dust...? :D
Tomorrow I'll be working a lot more on Lilium to finish the XML implementation and the simulation code so that I can start on the debugging phase. Friday there's the IMK review which starts at 10 AM and will probably last a few hours. I hope to start debugging that same day.
I'll also be working tomorrow on the resources for the first game Nyanko will release. The game is called 'Even Cats Dream' and is a kind of 3D puzzle game from a first-person perspective with a heavy focus on physics puzzles. Within two weeks we hope to begin beta-testing combined with the production of its levels using the level editor which is being worked on by Trevor at the moment. We'll be asking a few people to help us make those levels while beta testing the game simultaneously. It's going to be fun :) With a bit of luck we'll be releasing the game next month as planned.
Finally, this coming weekend I should be finishing the site I promised to make for Jan, many months ago. Sorry for taking so long, Jan :(
Another thing this weekend will be the lack of swimming on Sunday as a guy is coming over from Belgium to pick up the arcade cabinet I talked about before. Pieter will be glad to be rid of it so that he can stuff a table (my future dinner table ;) ) into the place the cabinet is taking up at the moment. That way he has enough space in one room to fit his new organ in, some time in September. Thanks to Pieter's not-so-housebroken dogs, he can't put the organ downstairs in the living room :P
Alright, back to contemplating whether I shall take a sleeping pill today or not...
Maya
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