Saturday, 1 January 2011

Happy New Year

 Yet another year has passed and I only feel emptiness and bitterness at the arrival of a new year. Last night I nearly committed suicide already... and got paid a visit by the police who got requested to check up on me. Lots of fun to basically get dragged out of bed in the midst of the night.  Very embarrassing and unsettling.

I haven't been feeling well for the past few days; searching for a new place and all the uncertainties that come with it have drained my last strength resulting in my burn-out/meltdown yesterday. Today was little different. Receiving a text message from my housemate minutes ago with the best wishes for the new year just made me feel sick with revulsion. At my situation, at how everything and everyone out there seems to just want to make me feel more miserable.

I'll be taking another sleeping pill, second in a row, to ensure I'll actually get some sleep. I am now regularly violating the direction to not take more than one sleeping pill every three nights at most. I honestly do not see an alternative. Those who say that I have so many things to look forward to in this year truly have no idea what they're talking about.

*wipes away more tears*


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Maya, long time follower, first time poster :p

I don't know you and I won't pretend to know you because I don't. If I did pretend to, I think it would make only make things worse.

The only thing that I do know is that no matter how it seems, people do know you. They do like you and those people would feel horrible if you did commit suicide, because you would be gone from their lives. Nobody else could be helped from your experiences.

Hope this helped. This thought has helped me in the past when I gave serious thought to commiting suicide.