Monday, 29 August 2011

Not Getting Immediate Medical Help Kills Me

I thought that I wouldn't get too nervous about getting the date for that surgery appointment, but I guess I was wrong, as I found myself getting nauseous during lunch and throwing up. Felt so incredibly sick afterwards.

Once at the doctor's office I found out that I'm not getting a surgery appointment just yet, but an intake at the urology department of the local hospital. They will then have to refer me there to a hospital which can perform the procedure as they don't do it here at the Almelo hospital. Original appointment date for the intake was September 21st, but after call by me with the urology department I managed to reduce this to the 13th, so just over two weeks from now.

Only thing I can say is that my PTSD got triggered pretty badly by this. Yet another roadblock. Yet again the feeling of having something I need denied to me. Yet again 100% uncertainty. Yet again waiting for... something. I'm not sure what I'll do in the case this urologist refuses to approve the castration. And even if he does, I'm pretty sure it'll take at least a month until it can be performed.

Today I threw up and started hitting myself and tearing chunks of flesh out of my arms again. I can't take this pain.

Why, damnit? Why?! *breaks down completely*


Saturday, 27 August 2011

Semi-Final Intersex Shirt Designs, Please Comment

After the feedback on the previous design proposals I have picked the first design (A) and after a small redesign of it thanks to constructive criticism combined it with the two most popular texts. Here they are:

Initially these designs will be available on white t-shirts only, but other colours and even other items (coffee cups, anyone?) would be possible. I'm also thinking of providing a design featuring just the logo. Thoughts?

If there are no major complaints, I'll put these two designs and possibly the logo-only (which colour(s)?) version tomorrow online in the webstore, with the free-to-download designs (200 DPI PNGs) soon available as well.

Thanks for your help, you guys are awesome so far :)


Soon I'll Become Less Of A Man

After my last talk with my lawyer regarding the official gender change I wasn't sure how easy it would be to fulfill the one tricky requirement my lawyer couldn't do anything about on her own, namely proof of me being infertile as a male. This 'proof' turned out to basically result in a castration as the easiest and most pragmatic way. As it turned out, it was pragmatic enough to convince my current replacement family doctor.

The main arguments for getting a castration are that I have been taking testosterone blockers for over four and a half years now, something I can't keep up indefinitely, there's also the issue that it's the only good way to get my official gender changed and finally I do not really need them for anything, as I'm probably already infertile, and one of the testicles hasn't fully descended which means an increased cancer risk and has to be surgically treated.

On Monday I'll call my doctor's office to hear when the appointment at the nearby hospital is. It's a fairly simple procedure, akin to vasectomy [1]. However, instead of merely severing the vasa deferentia and leaving the testicles in place so as not to disturb their use in producing testosterone, with castration the testicles are removed completely. It's a procedure which can be completed under local anesthesia and take only about half an hour. Afterwards the patient can go home immediately.

One other thing I have requested is to have a biopsy performed on the testicles after extraction, so as to find out out of which tissues they're composed, which could give a further clue as to how my body is put together. I'll have to keep an eye on my hormone levels as well during the months after the procedure. It's hard to predict exactly how they'll change. I plan to stop with the testosterone blocker 1-2 weeks before the hormone levels get tested, if the testosterone level is still <0.7 nmol/L, it's fine and I can quit with taking them for good.

In theory my estrogen levels shouldn't change noticeably after the procedure. However, if the 'testicles' are in fact hybrid testicle/ovary-tissue,then I'll have to take more estradiol to compensate.

So, after the procedure has been performed, I'll let my lawyer know, so that she can get started on requesting my official gender change. Hopefully within a few months time I'll then have a more fitting official identity and made the first real move towards a body I won't have to feel conflicted about. Not conflicted in the sense that I might desire to become a 'regular' woman or so, but more in the sense of knowing whether what can be felt through the skin is truly a vagina or not, and whether I'm really an XX/XY chimera. Basic facts requiring basic methods of examination, so far denied for asinine reasons.

At the moment I'm feeling somewhat relieved at this progress, but also fearful that somehow it'll be denied again. The past nights I have slept quite poorly and have been haunted by nightmares. I'll be so relieved once this is all over and I can move on with the remaining items towards becoming a whole person.



Thursday, 25 August 2011

Getting My Official Gender Changed: I Need To Lose A Few Organs

I just finished a nice chat with my lawyer regarding getting my official gender changed. In short, all demands in the law to be used for this change can be complied with, except for the one in which I have proof from a physician that I am infertile as a male. I know that I am infertile, but I need to present such proof to convince the judge. This is the only sticking point. Financing is no problem either.

The best way to ensure that I get this proof is to get a castration, i.e. have my testicles or whatever they are removed. I have tried to get this procedure performed before, but the UMCG refused, saying that they'd only do this as part of a sex-reassignment surgery. Yet at this point it's essential that I get this performed, else I'll be stuck with this wrong gender for a very long time.

To be honest I'm not sure where to try to get such a procedure performed. There's the whole list of PTSD triggers related to bad experiences with physicians which is making things difficult for me already. There's also the whole list of hospitals where I have been already and where I got met with hostility and ignorance. I don't mind paying for the procedure myself as it can't be that expensive, so maybe I should try it in Germany or so. Any help with this would be more than welcome.

Worst case I could always try it myself, right? I mean, how hard could it be to remove a few easy to reach organs with just a sharp knife needed? :)

Yes, there's a tiny bit of hysteria in there. I'm not looking to mutilate myself. Just got a lot of bad experiences and feeling miffed that the only way to actually get some improvements going is to beg more physicians. Physicians who have previously humiliated me and denied me help. Maybe seeking a German solution to this may be the way to go.

Ideas, anyone?


Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Getting My Official Gender Changed: Let The Games Begin

So in brief, for the past six and a half years I have had the promise of having my official gender changed if I just cooperated and got recognized as an intersex person by the medical specialists here in the Netherlands. The legal provision to have said gender changed in official documents is given by a law in Dutch civil laws, specifically article 1, sub-article 24 of the Burgerlijk Wetboek. A few requirements are listed in said law, such as it being proven that the person in question is in fact intersex and the person in question also being infertile as the gender which is being abandoned.

The proof is generally obtained via a cooperative medical specialist who can then testify to this. Since I lack this due to law 1:24 BW being a dead law while the Disorder of Sexual Development (DSD) policy is in effect, as this ensures that no intersex person is ever recognized as such, instead being classified as possessing a birth defect and forced to undergo surgery, I am forced to appeal to the spirit of this law. I am most definitely infertile as the gender I wish to abandon (male) since I am incapable of ejaculating, do not even possess a prostate and there's every doubt that I even have regular testicles. I am also most definitely intersex as I have outwardly male genitals in appearance, while I possess a body which is most definitely that of a woman.

My current situation of having an official identity of 'male' is also causing significant problems for myself and my environment, as both gender indications are used interchangeably and where the male version is used, especially in public situations such as a hospital's waiting room, or when picking up medication, etc. it is most confusing to staff and others to have what appears to be a regular woman stand up when they call out the name of what they assume is a man. It is also extremely humiliating for me in addition to being embarrassing for the aforementioned staff.

As having an official male identity while this totally clashes with reality is no less cruel than doing the same to any regular woman, I do not foresee the judge having major issues with applying 1:24 in this case. Having my first name changed on this basis certainly went far easier than my lawyer then could have suspected. Having my official gender changed thus follows in the same pattern.

Tomorrow I'll be making an appointment at a lawyer's office in the nearby city of Deventer for a first chat during which the feasibility will be discussed. There'll also be the matter of paying for it all. My legal insurance only covers claims, and the government-based coverage which was provided for the first name change last year hasn't been assigned yet. Even then they managed to turn 'intersex' into 'metrosexual' in the request form for said coverage. My contact today with the government office providing assistance on legal issues like this kind of coverage simply referred me to a 'gender institute' as the lady who replied to my email basically admitted to not having a clue about gender changes.

It's a not so promising start, but I hope that the lawyer I'll be talking to soon will be more open to it, if only because it's a more interesting case. As for my part, I just hope that I can somehow fund it without having to resort to begging my readers for more donations.

Stay tuned,


Monday, 22 August 2011

Activism Also Means Pragmatism

Blind activism is no better than extremism. Assaulting a fortress without any means of penetrating it is suicidal and pointless. Pulling a Don Quixote [1] may seen noble and heroic to oneself, but one's environment will still be laughing and shaking their heads at what are clearly the rantings and actions of a mad person.

Some recent examples of this kind of lunatic behaviour can be found for example in the actions of COC Netherlands, the organization for homosexuals in the Netherlands. They expressed their outrage at the Minister of Education not forcing schools to educate their students about homosexuality and related topics, and started a petition aimed at this Minister to change her mind. Seems reasonable so far until you realize that the Minister in question didn't forbid education students about this topic, and there was nothing stopping COC from approaching schools with educational materials and such. Maybe it's not as grand as forced education, but it's hypocritical and sheer lunacy to wring one's hands and complain about the wrongdoings of the government when oneself hasn't been involved in attempts to change the situation.

Another example comes from OII [3] where some of the Australian group expressed their disgust at the intersex logo I had proposed in my previous blog entry:
"I am not so comfy with Intersex being described/symbolised using Male femal [sic] symbols. It kind of bys [sic] into the binary that opresses [sic] us IMHO"
"I reject the sex binary and gender binary without reservation.I will not adopt the symbols of oppression, sorry."

No room for compromise or pragmatism. Reading those responses made me feel sick to my stomach. I don't like rhetoric, especially not when it's extremist rhetoric. As I responded to these statements:
"The logo stands for the two extremes of male/female with the wide diversity of other forms in between. If anything it breaks with all existing symbols, and most importantly it doesn't try to portray intersex as a 'third sex'."

Note that neither OII nor ILGA has produced a widely used symbol for intersex, and neither bother with educating the masses. I never heard about either organization until a few years ago because they are so completely unknown. They hide in the shadows, try to talk with politicians on what they deem equal footing, but since they have no weight due to their relative anonymity they're readily ignored.

With organizations like COC, OII and ILGA pretending to fight for the rights of homosexual, transsexual and intersex people, it's no wonder that nothing positive is happening. They're essentially spouting rhetoric at anything they don't like, never search fault by themselves and therefore end up rejecting the 'normal' people, instead preferring to tilt at unassailable targets, like politicians. Wind mills are far more considerate and easier targets in comparison.

Thinking about how extremism and unreasonable, even hypocritical behaviour of the very activists who are supposed to save the oppressed are eradicating any chance of this succeeding makes me feel beyond ill. Humanity truly may be doomed.



Sunday, 21 August 2011

Help Me Design Intersex-related Shirts

I have been toying with the thought of creating a design to be printed on t-shirts and similar items, to promote the awareness of intersex. To this purpose I have created a logo, and would like to add one of a number of texts to accompany the logo on some shirts. I have already set up an account with a company which will print and sell the shirts for me (world-wide). I'll also make the templates to make your own shirt at home available on my personal site.

First, I made two versions available of the logo. Please let me know which of the two you prefer, and which colours/styles you'd like to see:

Design A

Design B

Second, your preference for having versions of the shirts with just the logo, or should all have texts?

Third, the texts themselves. I got a few example here, please add your own in the comments and let me know what you think of the ones here and those suggested by others.

  1. Intersexy
  2. Intersex Inside ™
  3. More than just male or female
  4. Not Just Male or Female
  5. Enjoy Being A Bit Of Both
  6. A Bit of Both
  7. Proudly Intersex
  8. Intersex, So What?
  9. Warning: Intersex Person

Coming up with catching phrases is never easy :) Please do go wild with them and let me know what you came up with. Do keep in mind that texts have to be respectful, clean and generally suitable for display in public places.

Now, get creative :)


Saturday, 20 August 2011

X-Ray Results: No Infection, But Something Worse

For the past years that I have had the symptoms, I figured that they were unrelated to my stressful life, and that I likely had something infecting the lungs or similar. A CT scan last year showed that my sinuses are clear, and last Wednesday's X-ray of my lungs show that they are clear too. Despite this I suffer from the following symptoms:

  • Shortness of breath
  • Hyperventilation
  • Constant feeling of being cold
  • Extreme nausea
  • Abdominal cramping (very often after eating)
  • Stabbing pain in the chest, making breathing painful
  • Frequent headaches
  • Strong pain in limbs, rendering them almost paralyzed
  • Dizziness
  • Coughing up sputum
  • Difficulty swallowing

This list is virtually identical to the one for 'Panic attacks and panic disorder' at the Mayo Clinic site [1]. The additional symptoms can be further explained by the fact that untreated PTSD - which I have - has a tendency to undermine and weaken the immune system, even leading to auto-immune diseases in some cases.

An intersex friend of mine, also a hermaphrodite, warned me for Toxic Shock Syndrome [3] and Endometriosis [4], both of which almost led to total organ shutdown for her, which then led her to find out about her intersex condition. The severe stabbing pains I regularly experience in my lower abdomen may be related to endometriosis or a similar condition. I have experienced said abdominal pain since early puberty, and regularly had to endure it. At times the only way to deal with it is to lie down and do nothing but grind my teeth and wait for it to pass. As a child I once thought I was dying, it was that bad. I had to be carried into the car to go to the doctor. Sadly by the time that we arrived there it had already passed and I got accused of just pretending to skip school.

At any rate it has become overwhelmingly clear at this point that if I don't get real, proper medical help soon, there's a good chance I'll end up on the Intensive Care due to something as fun as cascade organ failure, an auto-immune disease or something else equally fun. It's hard to tell at this point which symptoms are being caused by the PTSD complications, which by my intersex condition and which by other, external diseases taking advantage of my weakened immune system.

On Monday I have an appointment with my current family doctor again, this one seems to possess a lot of common sense and was the one who got me that x-ray of my lungs to rule out lung infection. Hopefully he can see the wisdom of pursuing more examinations, and I don't get waved away like my usual family doctor does. Fortunately that one is on vacation right now.

The effect of this all on my emotional stability isn't very positive. I had hoped that I would just get some antibiotics for a lung infection and that'd be the end of it. Instead I'm facing a number of complications and possible other diseases, each of which is enough to take me out, but which combined would be as good as a death sentence. I'm beyond merely terrified. Maybe mortified. To face death like this, and in the knowledge that the people around me who can save me are unlikely to help.



Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Humiliated Into Submission

Today I went to the hospital to have an x-ray taken of my lungs due to a possible lung infection. After spending about half an hour in the waiting room I got called in. "Mr. Posch?" the assistant-physician asked. I got up and went to her to have the x-ray taken. I could feel every eye in the waiting room focused on me, burning a hole in my back with unanswered questions.
Thing is that this is me:

I'm 175 cm tall, and weigh about 61 kg. That's 5'9" and nearly 140 lbs for those who do not use metric. I got a size A cup and European shoe size 41. I'm one of those lucky few women who can order anything in terms of clothes online and have it fit without issues. And yet this assistant-physician didn't make a mistake. The hospital she works for has me registered as being male. Their system is linked to the central citizen registration system, Burger Service Nummer (BSN), of the government, which also has me registered as being male.

And yet I have never received any surgery while only capturing admiring looks from men. What happened here is that I'm a hermaphrodite, a person having both male and female reproductive organs, which is a condition which is a subset of intersex conditions. A wide variety of intersex conditions exist, many of which aren't as readily apparent as my condition. Ergo many people are intersex without being aware of it. It occurs in up to 1 in every 25 births.

As I explained the above to the assistant-physician as she tried to confirm she had indeed the right person with me, she asked why I didn't just have my official gender changed to prevent such confusing situations. I replied that this isn't possible since the government doesn't recognize intersex, only offering official gender changes after someone has submitted to the transsexual protocol and received sex-reassignment surgery. The thing is that in many countries, intersex is called Disorder of Sexual Development (DSD), placing it in a similar category as various birth defects and urging immediate surgery, even if the medical necessity isn't apparent at all.

Because of this, each year countless children receive surgery almost immediately after birth to 'correct' this 'birth defect'. All too often it is the physician to decides on the sex of the child. Other times it's the parents who decide, based on their preference for a boy or a girl. All too often this leads to traumas later in the life of a child, when they feel that they're in 'the wrong body', or simply object to having the choice made for them. Many so-called transsexual people are for this reason actually intersex.

In my own case, German private clinics have determined that I have a closed-off vagina in addition to the rest of the genitals, which have a male appearance, but do not function as such. I do not have a prostate, my hormone levels have been quite ambiguous since puberty for which I now take hormone-replacement therapy, and as far as can be determined I have probably never been fertile. I would love to have the closed-off vagina opened up using labia surgery, also because of the long-term health issues of having it closed-off. Further I'd like to have a mosaic test performed to determine once and for all whether I do in fact have XX/XY mosaicism, which would have led to my hermaphroditism.

Instead the reality is that because of DSD examinations aren't possible, let alone treatment for my intersex condition. All I can do is submit to DSD and get a surgery forced upon me which I do not desire and which will take away part of myself. By resisting I have had to endure over six and a half years of Dutch psychologists and physicians insisting that I was just a regular boy, that I was transsexual, that I was suffering from autoparagynaecophilia, that I was crazy, etc., while discarding the German results and faking a mosaic test in order to convince me to just follow the transsexual protocol and give up on this nonsense of wanting to remain as I am.

My refusal to give in has led to me suffering severe Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) among other traumatic disorders. The brainwashing attempts never stopped, Dutch politicians never stepped in to interfere, instead approving the DSD approach and a real intersex movement doesn't exist yet in the Netherlands, or anywhere else. About half a million intersex people in the Netherlands alone and we're being herded like tame sheep. The constant humiliation driving us into submission.

At this point I ask you to read the first paragraph again and imagine how it must have felt to me. Then imagine having to go through this at least a few times a week, always realizing that there is no way to change this.

I was born with this body and I am comfortable with it. I can see how my body is superior to that of a regular woman and know that I would never want to become 'normal', even if that's at all possible due to my experiences with this body and everything around it. My opinion on the DSD approach is that it is inhumane, humiliating and a downright violation of human rights. It leads to unneeded surgery on infants who can not give their consent, and the discrimination and persecution of intersex individuals.

It is time that politicians and physicians faced up to reality: nobody wants to walk around with a true birth defect, but nobody wants to have their bodies mutilated without their consent or approval when there is no medical need to do so.


Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Moving To Germany

A number of days it became quite clear to me that improvement is necessary in my situation, and quickly. Since there is no miracle situation and all countries, while different in severity, mistreat intersex people, a pragmatic solution is required. A few hints that Germany is a much better place, medically, politically and socially, combined with my own experiences in Germany, also with the private clinics there, were all that it took to convince me to try my luck there.

My current idea is to move to a town or city in South-West Germany. What I'll need help with is selecting the best location for me, also with an eye on further medical treatment, and to arrange healthcare insurance. Having some people around to guide me for the first weeks at least wouldn't be bad either.

In other news, tomorrow I am getting an x-ray to see how bad the infection in my lungs is. Today I visited the family doctor who replaces my regular one during the latter's vacation, and he was a lot more reasonable and professional, indicating his disbelief at there not sooner an x-ray having been made, or other tests performed. By early next week I should know what the results are.


Friday, 12 August 2011

Remind Me Why I Am Doing This Again...

Every morning this year it's been the same story. If I didn't have some nightmare I don't remember any more from which I wake up with my fists closely clenched against my chest, I'll be waking up feeling quite alright until the first negative memories begin to trickle in through the daze of fitful sleep.

From that moment on I'll be going through such intense feelings of loneliness, abandonment, frustration, anger, humiliation, sadness and terror that I'll be struggling to not kill myself right then and there. A lack of easy means to do so is pretty much the sole reason why I'm still alive.

The reason why things are like this is because of a single acronym: DSD. Disorder of Sexual Development. It is the catch-all phrase for physical conditions where the development of an individual didn't result in a perfectly normal and socially acceptable man or woman. It is what the European Union, the US and many other places have decided to shove intersex conditions like mine into.

This leads to the situation where not being a regular male or female means only one thing: you're a freak but we're here to help you become normal. You'll be so happy once you're normal. Just a regular male or female.

I'm a hermaphrodite. My body is mostly female, but has enough male elements in the genital region that nobody would mistake me for a regular female when fully undressed. I have lived for twenty-one years in the understanding that I was male, while my body underwent a strong feminization during puberty. It has torn me apart, and I still find it really hard to deal with my youth.

I don't have to expend any effort to be seen as a regular woman in public, even at swimming pools. I'm fine with the way my body is, though I would like to get labia surgery to open up the vagina which is also present. It's there, so why not use it? This is my body, I was born with it. It's functional and healthy. What disorder?

My options as provided by the government and physicians here are to either undergo the transsexuality protocols, and undergo sex reassignment surgery. A risky procedure, which would remove any trace of male development in my body. The other option is to undergo beatings and constant humiliation, having medical care denied in any form or shape (I can't even get help for my suspected chronic bronchitis at the moment...), and live a terribly unhappy life.

So why don't I get SRS? Why don't I give up on being hermaphrodite? Because it wouldn't help me deal with my youth, it wouldn't help me deal with the PTSD I have suffered during the past years. Because it's not what I want, nor what I and others who know me feel is right for me. It'd just traumatize me even further.

Undergoing SRS is like voluntarily entering the gas chambers at Auschwitz. I'd be giving up my existence, the person I truly am right then and there.

For real development disorders which lead to life-long discomfort and health risks I can understand why surgery is recommended. Nobody would opt to live with a malformed spine or a not fully closed up skull. Those are conditions which should be corrected because there's no justification for not correcting them, unless your goal is torture.

I don't have a development disorder. Other than a standard check and diagnosis which should be required for most if not all intersex conditions to ensure that there's no increased risk of cancer or so due to development glitches which could be present in anyone anyway, there is NO medical need to use something as heavy-handed as sex-reassignment surgery. It's an unnecessary risk and unnecessary waste of tax money.

But do I have a choice? How long can I last until I break? After the terror of getting beaten up the Dutch police and spending time in jail with no idea how long I'd be staying there I don't think there's much to give any more. I'm still clinging on to life, even started a new blog ( which is only about programming and basically shows the real me, the person I want to be. Not this pathetic, traumatized pile of misery.

This morning I spent some time again thinking about suicide. There really isn't much to say against it, is there? Slow death or quick death. I'll pick the latter. Simple.

I don't want to die...


Thursday, 11 August 2011

Please Make Homo & Transsexuality Organization COC Aware Of Intersex

Recently the Dutch Minister of Education refused to allow education about homosexuality at Dutch schools. This was met by a lot of ridicule from the homosexuals in this country, as well as many others. The organization for homosexual rights in the Netherlands,, set up an online petition to request education at schools on homosexuality and transsexuality:

While I have signed this petition, I also sent COC a number of emails, requesting that they acknowledge and include intersex in this petition as well. After all we're all one big group, facing the same ignorance and irrational fears. We should stand together, not exclude each other. I won't exclude homo and transsexual people from my fight from restoring human rights, and I think it would be hypocritical of COC and similar organizations if they did exclude some groups. Either you're fighting for the human rights of all people, or you're just as bad by ignoring those of others.

You can send an email to COC at Please also CC the email to Sophie in 't Veld, a Dutch politician in the European Parliament involved in LGBTI rights, with whom I am in contact. Her email address is Do send me a copy of the response too via the contact form on my website or directly if we have emailed before.

Here are the English translations of the two emails I sent to COC the past weeks:

Dear Sir/Madam,

How is it possible that the petition of COC Netherlands at doesn't mention intersex people? We intersex people make for a large group of people in the Netherlands and we have the same and worse problems than homosexuals and transsexuals.

I and other intersexuals would very much appreciate it if intersexuals too would be included in this petition. We also have a petition at which is focused on the world-wide rights of intersex, transsexuals and homosexuals. Possibly you can pay attention to this as well.

Thank you in advance,

Maya Posch


Email #2:


Dear Sir/Madam,

I wanted to not withhold from you the following article on the systematic eradication of homosexuals, transsexuals and intersexuals:

Considering the fact that the about half a million intersexuals in the Netherlands have to experience similar and often worse experiences than trans- and homosexuals, including forced sex-reassignment surgery, I consider it incomprehensible that COC Netherlands ignores this group, both in her current petition as well in her general policies.

In my view it's incredibly ironic and tragic that COC with this excludes a part of her target audience in such a way. We must combine our forces, not ignore each other.


Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Second And Final Letter From Dutch Queen Beatrix

English translation:

Dear Ms Posch,

I hereby confirm receiving by Her Majesty the Queen your letter of July 25th 2011.

Unfortunately I have to inform you that in connection with the ministerial responsibility of the Queen, it is not possible to provide any further help.

The Director of the Cabinet of the Queen,

Ms M.A. Looye


In short, you're not important enough, please go away. A Queen who doesn't care about her own subjects. A Queen who is powerless. A Queen who prefers to see her subjects suffer and die rather than interfere.

This isn't my Queen. This isn't my Government. This isn't my bloody country.

A prison. That is all this is. A prison for the insane. With the insane being the guards.

I want out....


Thursday, 4 August 2011

The Endlösung To The Inter, Trans, and Homosexuality Question

"Regarding the Sexuality and Gender Question, our leader is determined to clear the table. He warned the inter, trans and homosexuals that if they were to cause another social rebellion, it would lead to their own destruction. Those were not empty words. Now the rebellion has come. The destruction of the sexuality and gender rebels must be its necessary consequence. We cannot be sentimental about it. It is not for us to feel sympathy for the sexual and gender rebels. We should have sympathy rather with our own Normal people. If the Normal people have to sacrifice more in yet another rebellion, then those responsible for this conflict will have to pay for it with their lives."

"None of our leader's prophetic words has come so inevitably true as his prediction that if sexuality and gender rebels succeeded in provoking another rebellion, the result would not be the destruction of the Normal people, but rather the wiping of these rebels. This process is of vast importance, and will have unforeseeable consequences that will require time. But it can no longer be halted. It must only be guided in the right direction."

"As for the sexuality and gender rebels, well, I can tell you quite frankly that one way or another we have to put an end to them. Our leader once put it this way, if the combined forces of these rebels should again succeed in unleashing a revolution, that would mean the end of sexuality and gender rebels. ... I urge you: stand together with me ... on this idea at least: save your sympathy for the Normal people alone. Don't waste it on anyone else in the world" [1]

For far too long a sickness has been creeping into our societies, a sickness which threatens the very existence of the human race. The result of this sickness is that more and more individuals lose their humanity, instead devolving into a lesser kind of human, if they can even be called humans any more. They choose to give up Human Sexuality, instead choosing to practice a twisted, perverted form of it, one which does not produce offspring and of which the mere thought is enough to make any Normal person feel sickened.

Some of them can not help it, of course. They are born with deformed bodies which do not allow them to behave in such a manner. The right approach which is being taken where possible and where not hindered by overzealous and sadly misguided parents is to correct their deformities so that they can at least live more or less normal lives as productive members of society. These are the intersex children. They are to be pitied, but at least they have some chance of redemption, assuming they choose to accept it.

Worse are the transsexual individuals. Their sickened minds create for them the illusion that they have to be the other sex, even if the mere thought of this is preposterous and the execution of such a change obviously medically impossible. For these individuals it has to be ensured that they can not procreate after discovery of this illness to prevent the further spread of their diseased genetic material. Medical experiments on them which allow them to partially change into the sex they desire to be can serve as interesting means of gathering medical and psychological data.

Finally, the homosexual individuals. These do not procreate, but can be useful members of society. Their sickened delusions of attraction to the same sex should be ignored and ridiculed whenever possible. Placating them can be done by allowing them to marry, since this doesn't directly threaten society, assuming the rules of ignoring and ridiculing are kept in mind. Finally, organize events where homosexual individuals will be put on display as oversexed, crazed and mentally unstable individuals, reinforcing the stereotype that homosexuals aren't Normal.

The largest group of these three is that of intersex individuals. They form a group of about half a million individuals in the Netherlands alone. Fortunately they are completely unorganized and won't put up much of a fight. Those individuals who haven't been corrected yet at birth will be guided into one of two options: either they give up on claiming to be intersex and minimize social disruption, or they will accept the generous offer of being made Normal, through a similar kind of surgery as suggested for transsexual individuals. The success of this will differ wildly on the type of intersex condition, but the expectation is that most if not all of them will choose this latter option.

Allow me to say how tragic it is that this Endlösung can not be carried out with the ruthless and most admirable efficiency of the Nazi regime. They managed to exterminate so many undesired individuals in such a short amount of time. If only we could reproduce this feat, we could get the state we Normal people all desire within as little as twenty years. Instead we have to go about it in this round-about way.

One benefit of this, however, is that we get to carry out the most large-scale psychological and medical experiment ever. Countless millions of individuals who can be put in the most impossible situations and forced to make impossible choices, while their environment can be adapted to suit the experiment in question, it's any scientist's dream. Even better is that nobody will care about it. Not like with the experiments ran by the Nazis, which gave us so much invaluable information about the human body, but of which the scientists involved were imprisoned or executed. [2]

It truly is a relief to not have to adhere to the Nuremberg Code or Helsinki-derived rules and regulations normally involved with human experimentation.[3][4] Humanity would be able to progress so much faster if we could leave behind reservations about using the inferior specimens in society for such purposes.

Huge strides have been made in implementing the above plans over the past decades. Homosexuals have been rendered virtually harmless and transsexuals seem to cooperate without issues. Both of these are being properly ridiculed and ignored where appropriate. No major issues are expected with either of these groups.

Intersex individuals are cooperating somewhat successfully. The decision to not teach about intersex at schools and suppress any mentioning of the term has worked brilliantly in making almost everyone unaware that it exists, even for some of those who are born with a form of it. Those who do realize it generally choose to accept the first option, to our surprise. The few individuals who can not pick either option for some reason generally commit suicide.

It is our hope that with the continued implementation of the above program we'll one day manage to exterminate every trace of this sickness from society, either through natural causes or as a result of our experimentation of select individuals.



The above should be a parody, with quotes lifted from Nazi figures like Joseph Goebbels (quote 1 & 2) and Hans Frank (3rd quote) with slight modifications, and an exposition written in the same style, but aimed squarely at a more current problem. Or maybe not so new. The Nazis murdered an estimated 10,000 homosexuals in their camps [5], and treated them in a manner which was even more cruel than with their other captives. After the war it also took many years for governments to even acknowledge that the Nazis had been targeting homosexuals. It took the EU no less than sixty years (2005) to acknowledge the persecution of homosexuals during the Nazi regime.

What is the difference between the human experimentation performed on prisoners by Nazi doctors and the treatment of those with different sexual preferences or with a 'different' body? Both are cruel and unusual, violate many basic human rights, and violate every single part of the Nuremberg Code, the Declaration of Helsinki and the Code of Federal Regulations (CFR) [6] concerning human experiments (Title 45, Subtitle A - Department of Health and Human Services, Part 46 - Protection of Human Subjects) [7].

Experiments are performed on newborn intersex babies to make them 'normal', causing significant psychological effects and often damage in later years, as well as harmful medical side-effects. Intersex individuals are placed in situations of chronic stress, involving exclusion from society, denial of medical care and other human rights and forcing them to undergo unneeded surgery while ignoring the health repercussions these entail.

The ridiculing and ignoring of homosexual and transsexual individuals which I referred to in the above text has been a constant factor in their treatment. I didn't make it up. It's a real thing. The events I referred to in reinforcing the stereotypes about homosexuals are the so-called gay parades, a phenomenon abhorred by most homosexuals as well as bi-sexual and any other something-sexual human being with his or her head screwed straight onto his or her shoulders.

Whether the Final Solution to the Sexuality and Gender Question as I put it in the first quote is really something willingly and knowingly engineered by world governments with the goal to exterminate and pacify those who do not strictly adhere to the biological and social conformism of 'male' and 'female' is something I do not know. All I do know is that the effect is the same, whether or not scientists involved are even now busy recording the activities of me and other intersex, transsexual and homosexual individuals around the globe.

Some may start yelling at me for invoking the 'N' word so strongly in this context, but in the eyes of myself and many others it's very much justified. What is happening here is as much a Final Solution as the herding of undesired individuals into concentration camps was. It's just less visible, but no less tragic.



Tuesday, 2 August 2011

The Choices Offered To Me By My Enemy, The Government

Feeling pretty crappy the past few days as realization sinks in. It's a truth too horrible to behold or consider for very long.

The choices I have as a person in this country, considering that I am intersexual are the following: I can opt to cease my attempts to gain recognition for my intersex condition, cease all attempts to get it diagnosed and treated, and live the rest of my life explaining why my ID cards say that I'm male while I most decidedly do not give that impression to people. Silent despair.

I can also opt to give up on my claims to being intersex and embrace the world of transsexuality, pick a sex (male or female) and receive surgery to become that sex and gender, officially as well. I'll still have my PTSD and other traumatic disorders, which then still can't be treated because the underlying causes haven't been dealt with. Quiet misery.

The option I desire is to be acknowledged as being intersex, have my official gender changed to 'female' for convenience's sake and to fit my own feeling of being an intersex woman, receive medical care to ascertain my exact intersex condition using a mosaic test (XX/XY hermaphroditism?) and such, as well as determine long-term health risks of my intersex condition. I'd also wish to have the testicles removed so that I no longer have to take testosterone blockers as these increase the possibility of an embolism. The right testicle is also partially descended, which forms a cancer risk. Finally I'd have labia created to open up the vagina which was indicated by two German private clinics.

Only the third option would solve my situation. Only the third option would make me happy. Only the third option would get me the care I require. Only the third option is the right option, morally and ethically.

The third option is the only option which is being actively denied to me and every other intersex person in the Netherlands by the government and physicians. This makes the government and physicians our enemies, as they are willing to discard our lives for their petty believes and convictions. They wish to deny and exterminate every trace of intersex people, through denial and forced surgery.

They are the enemy, yet they are holding us hostage. They are the government who should uphold the human rights of all citizens. They are the physicians who have taken an oath to do no harm. They're all liars and criminals for breaking their own laws.

Is there anything I can do? I don't think so. I have no future as long as I only have the first two options.

I wish I wasn't born intersex... I wish I could be intersex and happy... I wish people didn't hurt and kill those who are different from them.

I guess it's all too much to wish for... is it?