Tuesday, 9 April 2013

I'm Somewhere In There

Yesterday was terribly exciting. Or maybe not. I did my usual working on the iOS application project I'm assigned to, then went to visit this photo exposition thing for a Dutch photography award, called 'Zilveren Camera' (Silver Camera), which had a tie-in with the Pride Photo Award for which I'm applying together with the Dutch photographer Eric Brinkhorst. Ergo my pictures and story were put up there as well.

While I had nothing bad to say about the two photos of mine on display there, nor the NRC newspaper article accompanying them, I didn't really feel like I should have been there at the event. It was mostly people talking about the award and along with me not knowing anyone there beyond Eric, there was also nobody seemingly recognizing me or wanting to show they had recognized me from the photos there. In the end I just wandered around a bit aimlessly before leaving. I also really didn't like the works of one of the winners of the Zilveren Camera, who specialized in photography bordering on child pornography. I found it to be pretty tasteless at any rate.

On my way back from the exposition I felt pretty uncomfortable. Beyond having some of my traumas triggered by seeing the child nude photography and getting ignored I felt I had to question my desire to participate in the Pride Photo Award event. Wouldn't it just lead to more ridicule? What would I truly accomplish with it? It took me until this morning that I realized that while the Pride Photo Award is useless to reach the common folk, it can nevertheless serve to inform others about the existence of intersex. Ergo I decided to press on with it.

This morning I went to a local beauty salon for my usual hair removal therapy, with Eric accompanying me to make some photos for the Pride Photo Award series. There I learned from the beautician that she couldn't really say whether this method actually is effective. Since it uses waxing as a start followed by an IPL flashing using the device generally used for rejuvenation, it shouldn't have any effect. Yet the beautician I was at before claimed that it had worked for another client of hers. Who to believe, I guess. I do hope it's effective at any rate.

After the treatment we went into the city so that I could pick up a few electronics items, including a USB hub for use with my new laptop since it only has 3 USB ports. We also got some ice cream, which is a good idea now that the weather is finally turning towards spring from the 'ten degrees too cold for this season' kinda feeling. Once home I saw that I had received the money I had earned last month and used it to order my new laptop along with a copy of Windows 7 Ultimate. I can't wait to finally switch to a proper system to work on again.

A few hours ago I also received from Yme Drost's office the response my insurance company Unive had sent to Yme in response to his earlier letter to Unive in which he demanded that they'd start fully covering my hair removal therapy since my situation is very much comparable to that of transsexuals in this area. Unive's response was that since SKGZ has previously judged that my situation and that of transsexuals are not comparable that they do not have to cover it.

The next step here should be then that Unive will have to defend their view before a judge since SKGZ has no general legal jurisdiction but is more of an advisory body for health insurers and their clients. I'd very much like to see this issue finally see being resolved. I started trying to get this procedure I need to remove facial hair growth back in early 2011 and still haven't accomplished anything there, over two years later. Nothing would please me more to see Unive having to get back on their words, to make life easier for intersex individuals in the Netherlands and others as well. Me getting back the thousands of Euros I have spent on hair removal therapy so far would be nice too.

Oh yeah... in between all that there's me as well :) Just another person trying to live her life amidst evil companies and uncaring politicians, dodging obstacles in a worse-than-a-jungle society.

This week I'll try to contact a surgeon a friend contacted for me. This surgeon might be willing to help me with the last issue I have towards feeling like my body is finally complete: having my female side restored by opening up the existing vagina and creating labia. This really is something which doesn't benefit anyone but myself. It's a highly personal thing, yet I still feel the need to share it because it too is part of the list of items I tried to get fixed for over eight years now. Having this last issue resolved will mean for me that there are no remaining medical issues and a general feeling of calmness where there are now turbulent emotions.

Any woman with a condition which results in a non-functional vagina can probably agree on the severe psychological issues this causes. It's no different for me as a hermaphrodite. Losing one side of oneself might as well mean losing everything in a sense.

Here's hoping that this, too, will soon be a thing of the past.


No comments: