Just Killed A Man

The past months I have been dreaming more and more frequently and more intensely during my sleep. Last night's dreams were definitely among the most vivid and unique I can remember, however, and probably for a good reason.

The last dream I had was simple but still quite detailed. In it I was cycling down a path on a nice summer's day. Ahead of me I could see that someone had painted up a sign with 'careful, bee nest' written on it, only it didn't say 'bee' but something else ('beeleyne?') which I nevertheless knew meant just that. Narrowly avoiding the sign and nest which had been formed around the parts of a tree's roots which protruded from the ground, I went on my way. Then suddenly I felt a sting on the right side of my neck and brushed with the thick gloves I had in my left hand at what I presumed was a bee.

Not having much luck with the gloves, I reached over with a bare hand and pinched the bee's body between my fingers and pulled, drawing its intestines behind it and ultimately its stinger. Knowing that I still had its toxins inside of me, I pinched around the affected area and squeezed until something came out. It was fluid, though, but a glass or similarly transparent container containing a slightly yellowish transparent fluid which I presumed was the toxin. I showed it to a companion who commented on it.

The first dream I recall from last night was quite different. I was running through this complex, clearing hallway after hallway and making my way through darkened rooms. Meanwhile I was taking out people I knew to be enemies left and right using nothing but some random tools I had picked up on the way. As I used these techniques using regular screwdrivers and the like with lethal effect, I found myself reminiscing the great skill with these techniques of another person, presumably my teacher or some idol.

I don't know why I was there or what my exact goal was, only that I had to make my way somewhere to accomplish something important. Then I found myself in a more enclosed room and heard someone approaching. I had to take out this guy quickly and stealthily. Just hitting and running as I had done up till that point wasn't an option any more. Awaiting the right opportunity I picked a particularly lethal tool from my collected bundle and with the selected screwdriver or similar in my hand I returned to waiting motionlessly.

Surprising the enemy as he entered within my reach, I quickly used the tool in my left hand to stab through the underside of his jaw into what I hoped would be his brain. This was also when I got my first good look at the guy, something which I hadn't had the chance for with the others. He was young, with narrow features and short, blonde hair. As the surprise on his face got replaced by the realization of what was going on, his eyes went wide as he gasped in shock. My only feelings at this point were ones of duty, with in a distant corner of my mind a profound sadness that this person had to die, only because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I even felt revulsion as I got to see my handy work up close.

Stabbing a few more times, with each motion evoking choking, sobbing noises from the guy I could see his eyes take on a panicked look until ultimately the light in them vanished as death claimed him. Dropping the body, I moved on with my mission.

From this dream I awoke with my heart pounding in my chest and feeling somewhat sickened. It had all been so perfectly vivid and real and unlike the average dreams this sequence of me killing this person refused to fade upon awakening.

I don't know what either of these dreams mean, if anything. The one involving the bee toxins could be considered a classic one involving the drawing of something unhealthy, i.e. a toxin, from one's body which would represent removing an imaginary toxin from one's mind. The latter is a lot more unclear, as I wasn't killing the representation of anything, or at least I had no such feeling or connection. It wasn't related to rage or losing control, either, as I was perfectly in control and felt nothing even related to anger or rage. Just the sensations of sadness and revulsion. I guess you could say I was acting out the role of a humane assassin, maybe.

In the end it was a very interesting night, filled with some dreams I'm sure I'll be puzzling on for a while.


Maya