Saturday, 6 August 2016

Children aren't that important, anyway

For the first two decades of my life, I - and those around me - assumed that I was just another guy who'd grow up to likely find a nice girl to get married and start a family with. Puberty did however confuse me more than it should have, when I began to grow breasts and had male clothing fit extremely poorly, among other hints that something was off.

When I discovered that I was intersex - now over eleven years ago - thoughts about my future vanished to be replaced by more immediate concerns and questions regarding who and what I actually was. Now, throughout those years I have learned that all I had all those years ago was the illusion of choice. Not only was I never a guy to begin with, but with only partially developed reproductive organs on either side there never was any question of me being fertile at any point in my life.

It isn't that I feel some kind of incredible yearning or pain at this point for not being able to procreate, but more that it's just another one of those reminders that merely by being born intersex so many choices were taken from me. Sometimes it feels like it just isn't fair.

Then again, when is life ever fair?

By having the nerve to be born both intersex and highly gifted, I had to waste over a decade of my life on meaningless, antiquated medical biases and outdated social systems, not to mention circumvent an 'education system' that's more of a hazard than an asset to those who aren't perfectly standard. In that regard the medical and education systems can shake each other's hands as they're both equally outdated and dangerous.

Yet enough of that. I never had a choice in this particular situation even though I was once led to believe that I did. That hurts. Through my own experiences trying to find help for my intersex condition I can somewhat understand the lengths some couples go through to obtain a child of their own, even if both situations are hardly the same. Yet the drive to 'fix' something is similar.

I will never have children of my own. I'm fine with that. I am likely to remain single. I'm fine with that. I may never get that reconstructive surgery. I'm fine with that. None of those things are essential or required in any way to be or become happy. Happiness is an internal thing, only accomplished when one has found, identified and resolved all that bothers one inside one's own mind. Letting go of things which are not relevant is part of that.

Life is too short to worry about the inconsequential.


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