Changing my Gender Social Contract so that I can wear comfy, colourful clothing

It's sometimes interesting to look back on the past years and note just what changes have made the biggest impacts on my life. Back in 2005, when I first found out about being intersex, I still had a male social contract (male GSC [1]) and was attempting to behave accordingly. Fifteen years later I have switched to a female GSC with as only surgical intervention being the removal of the half-formed testicles.

Even though my body's phenotype is that of a woman, it being stuck in puberty limbo for years, as it tried to sort itself out, has given me the opportunity to really see the pros and cons of both the male and female GSC. One with me as a feminine-looking, but flat-chested 'guy', the other as a regular woman with an ideal figure. What are the most noticeable differences that I experienced in either social role?

I have to admit that it's mostly the clothing, really. While part of me misses being able to go topless during the summer without having to cover up, I also have to admit that there are a dazzling amount of clothing types, styles and colours that are simply unavailable with a male GSC. No skirts, no airy shirts and tops, no showing of tummy in public, no displaying of skin beyond certain acceptable limits. The male GSC is pretty darn harsh when it comes to what is deemed acceptable. In that regard, wearing a bra plus airy top in summer that leaves one's tummy free seems like a small compromise.


I remember clothes shopping back with the male GSC. How boring and limited the selection was. The thrill of finding anything with a colour that wasn't black, dark-blue or grey. Looking at old photos from the 1990s and earlier makes one wonder just what in the heck happened there. Did some religious cleric pronounce a fatwa against colourful clothing worn by men when I wasn't looking?

Since my body is obviously that of a woman, male clothing is comically oversized for me, with even 'S'-sized shirts falling loosely around my body and the smallest commonly available male jeans sliding straight off onto my hips. This caused me a lot of grief back in my male GSC days, as finding clothing that actually fits me was practically impossible back then. Definitely the wrong body type.


Having clothing that fits properly, then. In a wide variety of colours, styles, formats and fabrics. Anything goes. Anything fits. It's one of those little joys in life that are easy to forget next to the other discoveries during those years, such as unlearning the male walking pattern (which had caused massive lower back pains) and unlearning trying to talk like a male (which had practically destroyed my voice). In that sense, switching from the male to the female GSC was akin to regaining my freedom after having been locked away in the wrong social contract for years.

What it has taught me above all is just how silly it is that society has these GSCs to begin with, how it enforces these ever-changing rules about what is and isn't allowed, even to the detriment of the individual involved. By essentially forcing me to dress, talk and walk like a stereotypical male according to this social contract, it deprived me of suitable clothing and it may have damaged my voice and lower spine. It deprived me of my individuality and overrode my very body.


Everyone should be allowed and encouraged from their very first minutes on this Earth to discover who they are and how their body works. Their environment should support them along the way, so that they can be themselves. They should not have a body image or expectations about their body forced upon them. My own experiences show just how much damage can be inflicted when a child is told that they're a 'boy' or a 'girl'. Until the beginning of puberty such differentiation essentially does not exist, after all.

Even though me walking and talking the wrong way was more a matter of me imitating what I saw around me, me being told from a young age that I was a boy did make it clear that I was expected to behave like other boys. I should not have felt forced to talk and move in a way that physically hurt me, just like how I should not have felt compelled to wear baggy, drab, ill-fitting clothing, just because society's enforced male GSC says that it is Right and Proper.


Maya


[1] https://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2019/12/gender-is-social-contract-not-part-of.html