Sunday, 5 August 2012

Everything Going Right And Still...

From the looks of it I'll be moving into my new apartment in Almere this month the 22nd. Or our apartment I should say, as I'll be moving in with my girlfriend. I'll be living much closer to my job at the VARA in Hilversum that way. So far the job there after two days of working there has proven to be pretty relaxing and yet challenging. I'm still being worked in and getting up to date on things, but I notice that I do not mind going there and find myself appreciating finding that job. On Thursday my girlfriend and I also went to Amsterdam for the television recordings for Discovery Channel/TLC's new show 'TLC About...' which will be broadcast in October/November. It went well, and through it I noticed yet again how natural it's all becoming, both for me and for my girlfriend who got sucked into my whole media thing and seems to be taking it well so far :)

I'll still need to find people who can help me move on that day, and who can help my girlfriend move as well. Volunteers are more than welcome. Hopefully it'll all work out well and the moving will be smoothly and painless. I'm looking forward to living in Almere again, now as a much improved person. From there I hope to finally start truly working on my future, together with my girlfriend. It's still somewhat surreal to be thinking in those terms. Having a well-paying job, a beautiful girlfriend who loves me dearly, and a large apartment all to ourselves. It still feels a bit like I do not deserve it.

One thing I do find quite interesting about my workplace is that my colleagues and other people who work there at the VARA or at the NTR or VPRO in the same building do not seem to recognize me from my media appearances. In many ways that's quite pleasant, as for the first time in my life I get to experience what it's like to have a normal life, and to not have my body's physical features play any role in my interactions with others. I will not be telling anyone about it either unless they find out by themselves. Only my boss knows it, because I felt during the job interviews already that I had to be frank on this issue. I still feel I made the right decision there.

With a new place also come many great expenses. First of all the new carpet, then a new washing machine, refrigerator/freezer, microwave, and so on. We also do not have any kind of furniture to put our clothes into, or any bookshelves. They aren't requirements of course, and it's all a matter of just getting what we need first, slowly working down the list of items to get as need demands and money allows. At least I did end up with some of the basic furniture items like desks, chairs and a couch, the latter thanks to my awesome mother :)

My general feeling in all of this is one of a strong sense of relief, but also trepidation and apprehension. I'd rather prefer not to involve my emotions in all of this just yet. It all just feels too surreal and too good to be true. Part of me is certain that it's only a matter of time before everything pops like a soap bubble, all of the shiny colours and happy reflections reduced to a few wet spots, quickly drying in the sun's rays. Another part hopes fervently that the first part is wrong. The future truly is a scary place...



Lisa Miller said...

You will find you don't trust the future and for awhile will be afraid. If you can relax and trust the Universe for a little while, it will become easier. I promise. So if you get some criticism or crap from people, so what? You are in a good place if you can only allow yourself to believe you deserve it. I'm not just running my mouth here, this is life experience. Breathe deeply-it will be OK.

Gary Levin said...

Maya, it sounds as if you are on the way in this new phase of life. What does not destroy you makes you stronger and a better human being. Life is never easy, however change can be a good thing for you..Forget the past, look forward to good things. Justice,disappointment have little to do with it. Anger, revenge hurt only the person harboring them
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer (I forget who said that).