The Dangers Of Seeking Help

Two posts ago I mentioned that I'm looking for a surgeon who can help me fix the last part of my body which still requires medical attention, also to ensure that the unusual female anatomy I possess does not cause issues in the future. I got a few leads thanks to responses on Google+ and Facebook. Unfortunately this hasn't led to any results yet. The few places which did respond merely told me that they don't do sex reassignment surgeries. Even though those are completely unrelated to the type of surgery I require: the restoration of an existing vagina. Not to create an artificial one, but to do whatever is possible with an existing female organ.

The results of these rejections has brought back many unpleasant memories. In many ways it has made me realize that despite some recognition of being intersex legally and in the media, in the end it doesn't mean much. I'm still on my own on this, and I still have to fight for every single inch of ground. The more I deal with finding help with something I need or require, the more I risk losing myself again and possibly my life. In the end it seems I still do not belong in this society.

This is the response I wrote a brief while after receiving the last rejection notice: "Just got an email back from the largest hospital in Munich, Germany regarding the surgery I still require to fix my female side. Their response was a brief and crude 'no, we don't do sex change operations for transsexuals'. Even though it doesn't concern a sex change operation, nor am I transsexual. Heck, they even responded in German, while I wrote my question in English. Why'd they even assume I could understand the reply?

"After just a few attempts to get a surgeon interested in my case like this, I already feel despair setting in. It's both familiar and frightening to feel my self-worth as a person fading again, as I'm once more reduced to a nobody.

"Nobody understands me. Nobody will help me. Nobody is going to lift a finger to help me survive. I may as well not exist..."

I really hope that I can get through this period. I'm not sure how long I'll last if this keeps up. Between everything else in my life, I barely have time for a breather once in a while.


Maya