Saturday, 25 January 2014

Dream: Attack Of The Smokers

I had just watched the first part of a movie at this cinema, and was sitting outside on this double bench with a table in between, together with a few others. A structure built around it shielded us from most of the surroundings, though the part in front of me was largely open. I was sitting there with a few others, nameless and faceless people, probably just waiting for the next part of the movie to begin.

Then suddenly this guy leans in from outside, holding a cigarette between his fingers, and says something to me. I feel uncomfortable by this and tell him that he can't be smoking in here, pointing at a no-smoking sticker. I then realize it's a 'smoking allowed' sticker. While the guy and the others make fun of me I flee back into the cinema. That's when this girl pursues me and starts harassing and bullying me about something. That's when I just start a conversation with her and suddenly it's okay. We both leave the cinema, though not before her mentioning something about she really being a guy and me saying that I could see it in her face and behaviour that she does indeed appear more masculine.

---

What's striking about this dream is the initial part of this dream where smokers are a source of intense discomfort and harassment to me. This is likely born from the regular intrusion from smokers in real life on my personal space with their acrid, carcinogenic smoke which they feel fine with blowing straight into a crowd of people who are most likely not okay with this. This makes them into a perfect representation of a bully and anti-social person which can chase me away in a nightmare.

The second part is likely linked to my continuing struggle with myself as I try to define and come to terms with myself. Who and what I am. Despite the fluidity in my physical sex, I still feel the need to nail down the exact facts about it. With the hopefully final surgery looming in the near future, it probably rekindles a lot of existing struggles.


Maya

2 comments:

Curt Dox said...

Interesting that the whoops moment is not important. You begin in a shelter that until the intrusion by the smoker likely really was a haven, so then why did you decide that you were in the wrong place by discovering the "smoking permitted" sign? It is another sort of 'of course, I am wrong; it was MY mistake' type situation and certainly cause for discomfort.

Maya Posch said...

@Curt Dox - I didn't say that moment wasn't important. I should maybe have elaborated on it more. You're right that it's likely related to my tendency to always feel that I am at fault, even when I'm not.

Dreams are treacherous like that, changing signs and what not :)