A few days ago I began to feel the sharp pains in my side again, followed by the appearance of acne, yesterday. Even as the last period's cycle is winding down, with cramping, pain and a numb right leg due to apparently nerves and what not getting irritated or getting pinched, my body is busy gearing up for what will be yet another cycle like the others over the past twenty years. With one every month, that gets me to well over two-hundred cycles and counting. Meaning plenty of time for me to have studied the process.
Most amazing thing is of course that for the first fifteen years or so I pretty much didn't have a clue about this cycle or its symptoms. I remember that as a teenager I'd often have these weird pains, but I'd just ignore them. It's basically only the last couple of years that I'm slowly beginning to form a picture of what is going on behind all of these outward symptoms.
As mentioned the sudden pains and outbreak of acne is the first sign, probably caused by elevated levels of oestrogens as my body gears up for ovulation, presumably due to the existence of (mostly) functional ovaries and maybe even accompanied by the release of an egg. Cannot forget the sore hips, either. The uterus, or whatever tissue I have with a compatible configuration, readies for the reception of a fertilised egg. After this for a week or two nothing will happen, giving me a bit of a break between the last week of the month and the first week of the next month.
That's when the cramps in the centre of my abdomen begin, with apparently the uterus shedding the layer of tissue it created. This then gathers in the vagina, but since there is no exit there it will remain in there for the next weeks as the body slowly reabsorbs it. This seems to be responsible for the nerve pains and sensation of inflammation in the vaginal area, radiating outwards into the groin area and the insides of the thighs. Numbness of my right leg is also very common during this time. This process overlaps with the starting of the next cycle.
I also have the suspicion that my body is changing, hormonally, as it matures. The appearance of the linea nigra may indicate that I have too much oestrogen in my system. I also may no longer need to take the additional oestrogen any longer as my body's natural levels have recovered to normal female levels. Finally there is the possibility that I may have functional ovaries with fertile eggs. That would open another real of questions, possibilities and worries.
In November I'm seeing my new gynaecologist and in December this new endocrinologist about this issue. I hope that some answers can be found soon and with them solutions. It would be wonderful if this pain can be reduced, possibly through surgery which would open the vagina so that I can at least skip these two weeks of having festering menstruation blood trapped inside my body, each and every month. After more than a decade of trying to find such answers, I do no longer comprehend or attempt to understand why doctors haven't helped me before, nor do I expect them to help me now.
There is just this pain. Every month again. Even as I understand it better, this knowledge just feels me with emptiness and despair as it's so obvious at this point, yet I'm expected to keep suffering. Twenty years already. How many more decades? I just want a physician to treat me like a human being. Not kick me to the curb like a scurvy dog as others have done so far.
I will not hope for a solution to this suffering. I will not hope for happiness. Experience have taught me that the are only lies and deception to be found within hope. All I can do is to go through the motions, as my body does the same, every month again and again...
Maya
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