Saturday, 2 July 2016

Why I'd kill to not have been born intersex

There are two main reasons why I'd do pretty much anything if it meant that I could redo my life, but with me having been born as a regular male or female.

The first one is an obvious one: having to live with being a freak. More subtly put, how is one supposed to feel or receive any feeling of kinship with or from others when one is something which looks like a woman, but also isn't? The feeling is like that of being physically handicapped, without an actual handicap of such type. It is limiting and makes it hard to impossible to understand or be understood by others.

My life would have been so much easier if I wasn't born a freak.

The second are the collective memories and traumatic experiences having been born intersex got me, courtesy of over a decade of physical and psychological torture, brainwashing and worse. Even after I get that final reconstructive surgery and can live in the full acknowledgement of my intersex status, I will forever be tortured by these memories, traumas and the unending, torturous question of 'Why?'.

Being intersex has shown me just how ugly human society is. What it means to be a minority in society and be forced to literally survive in said society. Without being intersex I could have remained ignorant of such matters and knowledge.

My life would have been better. I wouldn't have attempted suicide and probably remain suicidal for the rest of my natural life as I struggle with chronic depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Being intersex isn't the problem here, but society has made it abundantly clear that I am unwanted.


1 comment:

Patrick Horgan said...

I think you are wonderful.