Last night I had the first dream in which I knew that I was a hermaphrodite. That may sound weird considering that I have known that I am intersex for nearly twelve years now, and a hermaphrodite since the first MRI scan in late 2007. The only dream (or rather nightmare) that somewhat came close was one in which I was lying on a surgery table, unable to move at first, while doctors talked about how they'd 'fix me'.
Last night's dream was different. I remember walking through a hallway, up some stairs and coming across this group of people who I apparently knew. I felt pretty much the way I feel when awake, only far more relaxed and self-assured. While talking with this group of people I suddenly clutched my abdomen in pain, doubling over. A woman in the group then told me whilst smiling that that was also part of being a hermaphrodite. They were just menstruation pains, after all.
This dream felt good. Relaxed. Comfortable.
That it took so long to have a dream like that in which I could just be myself is probably because society still doesn't allow people like me to be ourselves. We intersex people do not exist, officially. None of us are registered as such when we're born, but instead we have to live fake lives with fake identities. I may finally get medical help this year, or maybe not, again.
I really hope that this dream can become reality some day for me, and others like me.
It would be nice to not have to escape into our dreams for it.
Maya
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