Monday, 14 May 2018

A person's path to happiness

Surging blackness, coursing through one's mind
Overwhelming pain that blinds one to reality.
Just this feeling of bleakness,
The futility of existence.

Glimpses of other people, living
Lives which are so easy and filled
With carefree attitudes, which
Brush off anything negative in life

Sorrow using its razor-sharp claws
Tears apart the very essence of who and
What I am, until nothing remains but
A shadow of who I once thought I was.

Nothing left but these tears which flow down
My blood-streaked face, but whose blood?
I do not know anything, it's all
A blur, all of my memories.

Warmth, the promise of happiness,
A care-free life, free of this endless
Suffering that makes every one of
My smiles seem fake, like plastic.

Could I truly be permitted,
Feel this terror subside,
Embrace a sensation of safety,
Even if it's just an illusion?

I see others, smiling
Laughing and dancing with
Hearts that are unburdened by
The tragedy of existence.

This horrible feeling that once
I could have been like them.
No more, paradise lost, innocence
Perished in a dark alleyway.

Yet I smile, laugh, even though
It hurts so much inside.
Telling myself that it's much worse
Inside the confines of my thoughts.

There will always be sunlight,
Happy people, laughing and dancing.
There will always be darkness,
Sad people looking from behind bars.

Some people cannot be happy, as
It is not permitted for everyone
To be happy, to maintain
The tragedy of existence.

These bars I find myself behind,
Are they of my own making?

Happy memories of sunshine, of walking
Barefooted on grass, looking forward
To a long Summer holiday, fondly recalling
What seems like a torturous lie.


        A sun-shaded path.
A promise, far away.
Walking barefoot on
A gravel-strewn path.
Any day now.

        Ignoring my blood,
        Splattered on the path
        Behind me.
Almost there.


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