It's 10.45 PM as I'm typing this in my hospital bed. I went to sleep around 8 PM and even took a sleeping pill, but I have been sleeping almost constantly since the surgery this morning so now I'm quite awake. Sadly I do not have internet - it's only available if you pay extra - so no one but me will read this post until I put it online early next week.
Traveling to the clinic on Thursday was no big deal, other than the fact that German intercity trains use a seat numbering system akin to airplanes, which was a tad confusing at first. I arrived safely after about 4.5 hours of travel time. The reception was good and warm, even if very few people here speak English. Dr. Pottek does, fortunately, as do his secretary and a few others I talked to. It's kinda fun to use a mixture of English and German with the personnel here.
After arrival I first had four ampuls of blood taken, then talked with the anesthetist, who had not been informed on the details surrounding my case yet. It was kinda confusing, but it was a nice, younger guy. I ended up giving him my business card so that he can take a further look at my case. Both Dr. Pottek and his secretary have read my website, which I still think is amazing as never before has a doctor or even hospital personnel shown any kind of interest in the person behind the patient. I think that Dr. Pottek is very friendly and attentive, even if at some points he still very much is a guy.
After the anesthetist appointment I had a chat with Dr. Pottek. His first remark was immediately that he didn't think I have a vagina, thereby instantly triggering my traumas and making me feel kinda sick. When he fetched his laptop with the MRI images, however, things became a lot more nuanced. There is a structure there, but he was unsure how useful it could be. During the surgery the next day he would open things up and see what he could find. An ultrasound of this structure and the testicles were made.
Having been shown to my room after all this, I was basically free to do what I wanted until surgery at 8 AM the next morning. I had a room to myself, which was quite sparsely furnished. For some reason I got a lot of flashbacks regarding the time I spent in jail as well as other flashbacks and felt really quite terrible and haunted. I got a sedative for this, and the night nurse gave me a sleeping tablet as well. I don't think I got much sleep that night, though.
Surgery itself took about 50 minutes, during which I was completely unconscious. It was nearly 10 AM when I came to again, and it was later that afternoon when I heard from Dr. Pottek how things had gone. As expected the orchiectomy was a breeze, though I have drainage tubes installed which are rather annoying, to be honest. The exploratory surgery showed that while there is a structure underneath the skin, it's too underdeveloped to be useful as a vagina and thus the opening was closed up without any further surgery. What I will likely do, as suggested by Dr. Pottek, is when the now empty scrotum has finished shrinking in a few (4-6) months time, to have it used to create a vagina and labia with. According to Dr. Pottek I have the abdominal space for a vagina this way of about 12 cm deep.
I know I have said that I do not wish for an artificial vagina, but now that I'm this close to having one of my own and just missing it, I think it's the right choice to undergo this vaginoplasty using the otherwise useless scrotum skin. This procedure would then probably take place in Canada, assuming Google accepts my application there. It's also so that in terms of reproductive organs I ended up with so little. No womb, or ovaries. Scarcely developed prostate and testicles. Just a penis which is wired up like a clitoris. With the primary erogenic zone for me being the location of the vagina, this second surgery is the best way I have to get a satisfying sex life.
Just one more reason to hope that I do get hired by Google or similar soon, so that I can build up my life, have that last, 5-hour surgery and then at long last be done with it. Dr. Pottek noted that they have a good center for plastic surgery in Ottowa. I hope that I can go there early next year...
Maya
3 comments:
All the best with the recovery from the surgery! :)
Did you get the next surgery yet? Did you get the job?
@Scotter - No, I didn't have that next surgery yet. It's nearly impossible to find a surgeon anywhere who is willing to look at me as anything other than a silly transgender who wants sex-reassignment surgery.
I'm also looking at surgery to make use of the natural vagina instead again. At the very least I'd like a second opinion there.
The job with Google I never got. I did have a job here in the Netherlands, but suffered a burn-out after a few months. Now I'm back to doing freelance work.
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