Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Don't Mind The Fool In The Corner

Late Sunday night I finally got the document from the German surgeon with his statement on what has been done and discovered during the surgery on October 14th. I forwarded it to my lawyers. With this the legal gender change and the lawsuit against the Dutch hospitals should be able to progress. I'm currently awaiting updates from both lawyers.

Also included in the surgeon's email was a brief summary of the findings during the biopsy of the removed testicles. They consisted out of atrophied tissue - probably as a result of the hormone therapy - with no signs of sperm-producing tissue. This explains the low testosterone production, as they seem to be as underdeveloped as the rest of the reproductive organs. The vagina, prostate and now testicles can all be termed remnants of a failed development.

Moving on, from time to time people come rushing to me to tell me about some intersex person who works there and there, and isn't it exciting that they can have a regular life and be accepted?

Oh yes, wonderful...

Here I am, broke and without income or home after a seven-year struggle with the hospitals and facing a long legal battle against the same hospitals, all to fight for the right to be myself. I have no job prospects or a future. All I can hope for is that the lawsuit gets approved by the judge and I can get foreign media attention, so that maybe someone out there can take pity on me and give me a future. How pathetic is that?

I have never learned how to live with being intersex. All the examples I get are of people who either have made it already or are also struggling to carve out an existence. I do not know what it means to be intersex. So far I have put it away, deep inside, and joked about it. At times it comes to the surface and its razor-sharp edges carve my very soul to shreds.

I really do not know anything yet. Not about myself, let alone my future.

*sadly shakes her fool's cap some more*


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