Monday, 3 September 2012

Still Looking For That Lightness In Life

Tomorrow is my birthday. A while ago I thought that this birthday would be the first one in a long time when I would be somewhat happy again, and able to celebrate it. Now that it's upon me I can see how many things are still left to be taken care of. As far as I can tell at this point I'll have spent every year from my 21st year up till today, eight years later, on battling the Dutch medical, political and other major systems. Now, at this point, I still have a number of major legal cases to deal with which will easily last me into my early thirties and possibly beyond. It makes me wonder when I'll truly have put behind me this horror inflicted upon me by the Dutch state and its systems for having been born different.

Today I learned more about the legal case against me, the one resulting from a family doctor in Rijssen neglecting their duty when they promised to prepare a reference to a specialist and failed to do so during a week. That was a few months after my suicide attempt and I was desperate to get some medical help after over six years of Dutch physicians failing to provide any help or answers. Yet this last doctor failed to heed my request or my desperate warnings about my pre-existing post-traumatic stress disorder and possible dissociative identity disorder, triggering a black-out and the surfacing of a violent personality fragment. You can find the details of that event here:

In short, a hearing was scheduled this week, but got cancelled because the persecutor ('OM') failed to properly formulate the case, forgetting the actual charge. This has led to the hearing getting postponed until a later date. I now have to get a letter from my psychotherapist indicating my unstable emotional state and the PTSD and DID conditions I likely had at that time. This in addition to the general stress I was experiencing after six years of getting batted around by Dutch physicians and psychologists. This all is rather frustrating, both because it is taking so long, and because I may end up with a conviction despite being the clear victim in this case. I'll therefore not accept any kind of ruling which will leave me with a criminal record.

To be clear, I do accept that I destroyed those glass items. I do accept that it was this body which did it. I do however not accept that it was a rational, conscious decision in any shape or form, and was brought on by the actions of the family doctor at the medical center in Rijssen. It was the culmination of six years of severe mental and psychological abuse by physicians. To me it was a continuous nightmare, and that event a part of the same nightmare. It's not a sole occurrence, but the inevitable conclusion of the abuse I suffered.

Moving on, things in general are slowly improving, though it's always hard to start with a first place of your own. So many things to buy and so many things to organize. There's also the inevitable lack of maintenance at a rental place, meaning lots of phone calls before things get fixed. It's unneeded and annoying, but ah well.

Another major negative point at this stage involves both my girlfriend and myself. Her family in short is the type you'd rather wish to avoid, with unpleasant connections in the shady parts of society and a generally twisted sense of 'family'. Due to this she has decided to break with them, which wasn't easy. Yet even after moving away from that place where they live, they continue to bother her, by calling and messaging her. This is more than just unpleasant for both her and me. This will probably mean that more legal matters will be started soon. At this rather we may as well start our own law office :)


No comments: