Yesterday's visit to the clinic for my radiologist appointment turned out be rather interesting. First of all I learned there that the radiologist merely wanted to have a few more MRI images of my abdomen. Initially assuming that this would be a quick 5-10 minute scan, I realised soon enough that at least twenty minutes had passed. By the time I got out of the scanner, over 35 minutes had passed. It was probably the longest of all nine MRI scans I have had so far. Suffice it to say that it wasn't very comfortable to lie motionlessly any more after the twenty-five-minute mark.
Shortly after the scan I met up with the radiologist himself. He explained that he had ordered the new scan because he wasn't sure about some details, but that the new scan showed the details he needed. This related to the vagina as visible on the scan images. Initially I had the sinking feeling that he'd retreat on his previous analysis and simply state that he couldn't see any female genitals. In the end, however, it merely turned out that what he had assumed was a normal vagina still looks a bit odd. This is most obvious on the horizontal slides, where you cannot see the clear 'H' shape you'd see with a normal vagina.
Whether this is due to the internal lining of the vagina in my case not being there or simply different (causing a different appearance on the scan) is hard to say. At any rate what was important was that this radiologist next explained to me that he had also had these very detailed images made so that they could be used for a surgery. It appears that in addition to the blood tests for pregnancy hormones and tumour markers it also seems sensible to get into contact with a surgeon. The main point is to get some answers about what things look inside, and secondly what can be done with it, specifically in a reconstructive sense. Determining what is actually present in terms of tissue is the first step.
I have my next gynaecologist appointment on Thursday, at which point all of these items will likely be discussed at the hand of the radiologist's report. I hope it all doesn't take too long. Especially finding a surgeon might be extremely tricky, based on earlier experiences.
As for how I'm managing everything emotionally, I'm mostly just going through it one step at a time while not allowing myself too much time to think about matters. There are too many questions, still, and too much waiting and the possibility of false hope turning sour. Most of all I just want it all to be done and over with, preferably this year. Especially now that the physical complications of my intersex condition are becoming so extreme and painful, I pray that I do not have to wait another year, two years or longer. I'm not even sure whether my body or mind will last that long at this rate.