Saturday, 1 August 2015

On the sense and nonsense of dating profiles

Occasionally I am reminded of the fact that years ago I created a profile on a well-known dating site. Usually this happens when I get a message from some stranger commenting on something on my profile, someone who just wants to chat, as well as the usual pointless comments by men, usually asking questions which are answered in the profile text. I cannot say that creating this profile has brought me much. Aside from one date with a girl years ago it's been mostly languishing in obscurity.

When I recently got this message from a girl asking whether I'd be interested in a threesome with her boyfriend I had to seriously question why I keep such a profile around when I begin to get such inane spam. Main point being that my profile on this site clearly lists me as a) a woman, and b) only interested in other women. Yet this fact alone seems to elude most visitors to the profile. Only thing which keeps me from deleting the profile outright are the occasional nice messages I receive. And maybe the faint hope that maybe I'll meet my True Love this way.

Of course, one seriously has to question the point of a dating profile when one belongs to - to put it bluntly - a small minority. For the average heterosexual or even bisexual person it's easy pickings. Filtering through the noise of heterosexual chatter is a fairly daunting task, however. And that that's all before one gets to the actual filtering which takes place prior to even selecting a suitable match.

First there is the whole nonsense cliche of 'only the person matters'. Anyone who has even an inkling of reason should be able to see that the very first thing which matters is whether or not the other party matches up with the pre-programmed part of one's brain which indicates whether said party has a suitable configuration of reproductive and related organs. After that pre-programmed and societal norms for fitness and beauty filter this result even further.

Only after this lengthy pre-selection process can one begin to criticise a person as just that: a person. Of course, to many this is also the 'optional' section of finding a mate, as their genes and society have clearly marked this match as being acceptable. Cue the high-school-style relationship dramas.

Taking all of this into account, I realize that my initial filtering leaves only lesbian and bisexual women, filtered on Very Secret criteria for beauty and such fluff. In end effect, with only a few percent of the population as input, this filtering leaves a fairly marginal number of individuals. Since I'm also fairly picky about the personality of someone I'd have to spend more than a considerable amount of time with, this list will then dwindle even further, until my chances of winning every lottery in the world simultaneously start looking pretty darn good.

Naturally, only then do I remember that I'm just a cynical bastard who doesn't even believe in love and who will most likely live out her days in solitude. Not like I'd wish to inflict sharing my life upon someone else, anyway. That having a dating profile is practically an exercise in futility seems like a pretty small issue in comparison.

Thus I conclude that keeping this dating profile around is merely an expression of cynicism and indication of the whole futility of the dating business. I'm okay with that.


1 comment:

pincerfae said...

it seems that for people who are of the sexual super-minority (like you and me), the best recourse is to seek out someone who's pansexual/polysexual.

I just recently deleted my own profile on a dating site due to non-response, and the fact that most everyone on dating sites are full of themselves, and aren't entirely interested in a meaningful relationship of any kind.

while there's someone out there for someone like us, the internet doesn't make it easy.