Friday, 27 November 2015


Yesterday, a few hours after I sent the email to my family doctor, I received a response from her. In it she reassured me that not all doctors are against me, and that she is on my side. She further indicated that she'll look into this issue of who can actually help me further next week.

I really want to believe that I am not alone in this all, that there are people on who I can rely and who can and will help me. The trouble I have is the culminated experience of nearly eleven years of mostly finding out that promises are meaningless and people untrustworthy. What I might want things to be like is irrelevant in this.

Today my body made it quite clear again why I need real medical help. With pain ranging from sharp, stabbing pain in my right side, to the sensation of the entire vaginal area being inflamed, making sitting as well as toilet-based activities into a painful to agonising experience.

I remember the latter experience quite well from back when I was still in primary school, now about twenty years ago. Back then I used to think that it was just the skin being raw and painful for some reason and ignored it. Since this symptom became more severe a few years ago, it's clear that it's not the skin, but something inside. If I had to make a guess, I'd say it's the closed off vagina's inside becoming irritated and possibly inflamed at the end of every menstruation cycle.

It's exceedingly painful at least. Today I'm just taking as many painkillers as allowed, ranging from paracetamol to NSAIDs, in the hope that it'll make it at least somewhat manageable.

I wish I wasn't so terribly alone and so horribly helpless.


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