Saturday, 26 December 2015


At the beginning of the current medical experiment involving my body, I expressed a number of questions about what I might experience during these three weeks that I would not be on hormone therapy. The endocrinologist had warned me that I might experience menopausal symptoms, like hot flashes and mood swings.

Now that I'm a few days away from the end of this three week experiment, I can honestly say that this 'menopause' thing is something I'm unlikely to experience for a very long time. Despite not taking any hormones, my body is going through all the usual stages of ovaluting, with the stabbing abdominal pain, searing pain on the right side of the abdomen, sore hips and lower back, as well as the appearance of acne and a bit of headaches, increase in libido as well as a loss of patience at times. Let's not forget the loss of sensation in my right leg, either. If anything the pain is a bit more severe without taking the anti-conception pill.

Last night the pain on the right side of my abdomen began again, accompanied by a general feeling of discomfort in my lower abdomen. There's also a strong sensation of inflammation or similar in the vaginal area. Basically I'm in a considerable amount of pain today. For the actual menstration part of the cycle I'm expecting the same severe and very painful cramps as I had at other times when I wasn't using the pill.

So, in short, I think it is fair to say at this point that it seems unlikely that I need this hormone therapy any more. Maybe there was some need for it at the beginning until my body could begin to produce sufficient oestrogen on its own again, but after repeatedly reducing the dose of estradiol I was taking over the past years due to PMS complaints, it seems clear that it was just a temporary thing.

On Tuesday I'm having blood drawn again for the second range of tests and I should hopefully learn the results of the first batch of tests, three weeks prior. I'm expecting that one to show high estradiol levels (>300 nmol/L), which would confirm my suspicions. Years ago when the last hormone level test was performed, that number was around the 150 nmol/L, which is a normal pre-cycle level.

Even though I still look forward to this upcoming appointment and any afterwards with a feeling of apprehension, I draw strength from these recent findings. Even if doctors do not believe me, my body at least knows that it's female. For the largest part, that is. With the previous endocrinologist appointment, she made it clear that she didn't see how anyone could diagnose me as being a regular male or transsexual, so that gives me hope as well. The hope that I won't be put away as just a crazy, uncooperative male/transsexual, no matter the physical evidence.

Maybe really soon now I will get real answers and real help. Wouldn't that be a great start of the new year? Wouldn't it be amazing if 2016 marked the year in which I finally learned the answers to the basic questions about my body and the medical help to match said findings?

It would be wonderful if dreams could match reality sometimes, wouldn't it?


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