Monster

I just finished watching a few more episodes of Valkyria Chronicles, and like with other stories where one or more people are singled out as being different due to their powers and/or different physical features, it really triggered something inside me. In Valkyria Chronicles a single girl finds out that she's a Valkyrie, a being with almost god-like powers. Instantly everyone talks about her as being a 'monster' and are afraid of her.

How do people truly see me? That's something I often wonder about. People are really good at saying one thing while they mean something else, even if they aren't consciously aware of it. It's become too much of a common thing to lie to ourselves, to the point where we do it without noticing it. The same thing happens when we encounter something which is different from what we are comfortable with. Comfortable being another one of those relative words.

I'm not comfortable with people with limited intelligence, with a preference for body modifications or desires of the flesh, or those unhappy with the body they are born with even if it's perfectly healthy and functional. For others they will classify their comfort zones differently.

Do most people shy away from those with higher intelligence? Are gifted people seen as a kind of circus freaks, approaching something like that seen in the story about X-Men? Do people think those born with a 'weird' body are disgusting? Do they pretend that it's alright, that they're fine with it, yet their actions are still dictated by a sense of disgust, of not wanting to get too close lest they get infected as well? To be honest I don't know.

I notice that people do keep their distance from me once they learn about how I'm different from others. Not all of them, but many do. It's like I do not belong in their world.

Naturally, my own feelings play a role too. I think that deep down I see myself as a kind of monster as well. I can not envision a place for me in the world I see around me. Every time I try I can only see myself being holed up somewhere, working on projects. I hope there is a way I can stop seeing myself as a monster.

Sometimes I think I just want to be normal, boring, and at peace with myself.


Maya