Friday, 16 July 2010

Things Which Aren't Quite Right

This morning I sent an email to Weijmar Schultz regarding his statement on testosterone production he made during yesterday's discussion (seems like a much longer time ago, by the way...). A few hours later I got an email back in which he admitted to having accidentally misled me and apologized for having mixed up some things. He will also send me some forms I'll need to sign so that they can request information from my lawyer and such.

As far as my recovery from yesterday's experiences goes, yesterday I had to deal with an intense feeling of disappointment, of hating having to go through all these things others - normal people - don't have to go through, of feeling disgusted with a lot of things and considering the option of suicide as a quick fix. Getting to sleep took a while as well, requiring Pieter to comfort me a bit. Then during the night I had a terrible dream which managed to fully trigger my PTSD, waking me up at around 4.30 AM in a mood I can hardly begin to describe, except that I first felt extremely lonely, then after crawling into Pieter's bed for a bit I began to feel like getting away from all the commotion, with the dogs in the bedroom and everything. After reading a bit in my current book while back in my own bed, I managed to nap a few times and felt considerably better at around 8 AM.

I won't say that I'm alright or anything like it. So far I can only say that my emotional side seems to have withdrawn more or less while it contemplates the recent changes. The emptiness it leaves behind is quite refreshing, I must say. To not have to deal with PTSD flashbacks today in an all too significant fashion like during the past days is most pleasant and an all too brief reminder of what life is like without suffering from severe PTSD.

Yesterday I ordered some new shoes and skinny jeans at an online store, which I received today. Sadly the shoes wheren't exactly what I had imagined and were also a bit too small, so I will be returning them, but the jeans fit fine as usual. They fit like a second skin, which is exactly how I like my jeans :D

Today I managed to do a bit of work; defining some details of the new game I'll be working on with the imaginative working title of TileWars. The idea is that we'll have this game ready to go within two months time. It's a lot more basic in terms of work required than ECD, so it's feasible that we'll make this self-imposed deadline.

Tomorrow Pieter and I will be doing a lot of shopping, for groceries, a birthday gift, shoes, clothes and who knows what else we'll encounter. Considering the average patience of males when it comes to shopping I predict we'll be done within two hours :P


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