Saturday, 28 April 2012

Well Drat, I Think I Fell In Love...

One of the things I mentioned a while ago was that I might actually end up meeting someone nice to start a relationship with now that I'm meeting more people through my media exposure and such. Truth to be said I put little faith into that statement myself and continued to proclaim phrases such as 'single for life' and that I'm supposedly immune to trivial emotional pursuits like 'love'.

I did meet a number of new people the past few weeks, including this guy I had a drink with. Another was this girl I chatted with for a few weeks afore she dropped by so that I could take a look at her laptop and fix some stability issues. As we talked like that, face to face, I did feel something, but ended up dismissing it as just a flight of fancy without any relevance to myself or the situation at hand. Before she left again I admitted to this feeling for some reason and she told me all bluntly that it's called 'love'. I decided to give this possibility some thought. That was on Monday.

Last Thursday I went to Hilversum for the TV recording of the BNN show 'Spuiten en Slikken' I'll appear on next week Sunday with my human interest story. I had agreed the day before that she could come along as a kind of mental support, something I was grateful for looking back on that day.

Long story short, I met up with her in Deventer, we had a drink before we'd leave for Hilversum and we had a talk. We both went into that lounge bar single, and came out as a couple. There's little to be said about why we decided on this beyond that it just feels right. We are so much alike that it shouldn't be humanely possible, share similar experiences and are both crazy enough to appreciate each other's company while offering the other something much needed. That she makes my heart melt like drops of ice on a flower's petals when exposed to the spring sun's rays when my gaze falls upon her eyes also plays a role.

Drat, so much for my 'single' streak.

The rest of that Thursday passed by rather quickly thanks to... well, I guess I can call her my girlfriend now, right? *fritters nervously*

At the BNN studio things got a bit hectic and messy due to the recordings of episode 9 and 10 having been switched around that day so that I got there later, and with about an hour of delay added so that my segment wasn't until some time before 11 PM. It was really interesting, though, with an actual audience sitting there in the studio. Not that I felt uncomfortable or the like, but it made it feel more... grand, I guess. The partial striptease at the end of the show right after my segment did feel a bit... sudden, though. I felt no inclination at all to look at it, and it did make me feel uncomfortable. I do not enjoy looking at (almost) naked people, especially not in public. It was a good interview I did, though, and I hope that they keep everything in the broadcast.

On the way back I was glad to have my girlfriend along with me. I felt really drained at that point and amidst the confusion of having missed the train we were supposed to have taken home and having to arrange a taxi to even get home I felt like throwing in the towel. In the end I agreed to have her escort me home, which was a good thing as I could barely walk straight any more after leaving the taxi. I must have made an awesome impression :P

All foolishness aside, it's an amusing period this week where I am beginning to realize what is meant with terms such as 'love-struck fool' and how exactly this 'love' sensation is supposed to turn one's brain to jello. Though I think I'm still staying fairly rational about it and I'm grateful that my girlfriend mostly acts like a rational person as well (insert dodge from said person's fist here), it's bemusing to note how a fleeting thought of something related to one's girlfriend or boyfriend can turn one's legs all giddy.

That said, it's a stark contrast with the sensation of near-panic I constantly felt due to my traumatic disorders. It's still there, but having made this big change in my life and connecting it with someone else's life in such a fashion has brought me (and her, I hope) some much-needed peace and happiness.

It's also very motivating, I must add. I have set a goal of two months during which I'll have to find my own place and get my life really on track. It's about bloody time.



Jed said...

Amazing what a difference a year can make, isn't it?! ;)
I recall having some lengthy chats with you a while back, & you really sounded like you were about to suicide.
What ever happened to your plans to come live in Australia?

Maya Posch said...

I couldn't find a job in Australia, ergo there was no way in hell I'd go there. Still kinda sad about it, but who knows, maybe I'll get a job in Europe this month and it'll be even more fun :)