It's been nearly nine years, many dozens of physicians and surgeons around the world later, and time to make up the final score.
I'm probably a hermaphrodite, but some countries like the Netherlands are still denying this. In Germany diagnostics are no problem, but a surgeon for the final restorative surgery can not be found after all. I'm getting no contact any more with the Hamburg clinic where I had my surgery in 2011. For about a year I have tried to get my surgery report from there now, but without anything but a few empty promises from the surgeon. I don't think I'll ever get it.
So, that's it. I now have to learn to live with a body which can be described as 'female, but without genitals'. I can forget about sexuality or intimacy. The traumas I had to suffer to get this far will also go untreated, as dozens of psychologists and psychiatrists later I only found one who acknowledges what has happened to me, but who is incapable of treating me for it. For the long term I have no idea what the medical complications are of having a closed-off vagina and possibly other hidden issues such as ovarian tissue. I have no idea how my PTSD will develop.
Yet the medical and psychological specialists seem to think that I'm ready to head off into the world like this, without any further care or treatment.
All I can do is try, right?