Many years ago, before the full onset of puberty, I had this horrible abdominal cramp which necessitated me to be carried to the local doctor. The pain had lasted for a while by then, rendering me unable to walk or move much. However, by the time I was at the doctor's office the pain had subsided and it was dismissed as anything serious with no examinations performed. The years after that I would have those severe abdominal pains on a semi-regular basis until at some point into puberty I didn't recall them being that noticeable any more.
Of my physical condition before 2005 I do not recall much, as I was disjointed from my body to the point where I lost much of my sense of smell and hearing due to severe dissociation. What I do recall of the years since then is the frequent sensation of discomfort in my abdomen. The last few years especially, with an onset of burning pain in my lower abdomen, focused primarily on the area between the torso and the beginning of the legs as well in the nether regions, around the location of the vagina. The skin in that area will be sore and painful to the touch. After a few days this will subside again only to pop up later. Whether this occurs on a monthly basis I'm not sure.
There's also the regular bouts of nausea mostly in the morning but also suddenly during the day which seem to be linked to those periods of pain. Add to that a craving for different foods (mostly sweets and snacks) and a strong sense of irritation and being on the verge of bursting out in tears. Yesterday I nearly lost it when a chocolate bar wrapper refused to relinquish its contents. Despite sleeping well I'm tired during the day. I'm quite certain that in a few days this will have passed again.
Everything put together, there is the definite possibility that I have ovarian tissue and with it something resembling a menstrual cycle. The undeveloped testicles which were removed weren't ovatestes as is common with hermaphrodites. No research has been performed on variations in my hormonal levels, nor on the state or functionality of my closed-off vagina. With Dutch physicians outright denying that I am a hermaphrodite or even intersex, that's just not going to happen either.
It does put me into a pickle, however. First of all I feel bitter about not having been taken seriously as a child, secondly I feel sad and filled with despair as I realize that a) I know I'm unlikely to ever find a physician caring enough to perform the necessary research and b) I am quite aware of the risks of having a menstrual cycle if any tissue involved in creating the womb's lining is present. This can lead to Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) if the right (wrong) bacteria find their way into it, much like with those deaths from tampons a long time ago.
On one hand I shouldn't even think about these things, just suffer through these PMS-like symptoms every month as I'm not going to get medical help. On the other hand it turns my life into a game of Russian Roulette. Every time I feel a sudden stab of pain in my abdomen or nether regions which has me buckling over in pain it leaves me wondering how serious it is.
Feeling like crying in utter frustration now...