Tuesday, 27 August 2013

A Lesser Form Of Suicide

Yesterday I decided to and withdrew from all social networks, including Facebook, Google+ and Twitter. Things had been moving in this direction for a while already, but with my worsening emotional condition I was left with no choice. Suffice it to say that without suppressing my emotional side to the utmost of my capabilities I wouldn't be alive right now to type this. Things have become too critical.

Imagine what social networks and much of human society contains: constant reminders about gender, sex, sexuality, relationships, transgender and medical things. Many of them triggers for my PTSD and other assorted traumatic disorders. To expose myself to them means constant agitation and worsening of said traumatic disorders. As there won't be any medical or psychological help forthcoming for the next weeks, months or decades, I'm left with no other choice but to cut off exposure to said triggers as best as possible. I'm the only person both willing and able to help myself.

If I want to keep living I have to do this. To revert this decision would mean emotional destabilization to the point where I'll not just be committing social suicide.

I want to keep trying to live, even if I have to sacrifice everything for it.

I hope that those of you who do care about me, if even a little bit, understand this decision.


Maya

5 comments:

soon she'll be home said...

If you need to talk let me know, Social media is a pain but the thought of transitioning will always be there with or without the web. You have friends here that care about you and to shut them out you lose your support. If you leave, just know Maya, I will be thinking about you.

thirdwheel said...

Absolutely understand. We're here if you need us. :)

Hans said...

You got to do what you got to do.
Take good care of your self and if you need to talk, you know where to find me.

Hans said...

You have to do what you have to do in order to survive. I don't pretend to understand what you're going thru but if you need to talk, you know where to find me.

Patrick TenHoopen said...

Maya, I just found your blog a couple weeks ago and it has touched me. Thank you very much for sharing with us. I hope you feel better about life soon, and I hope things get much better for you. Please remember that people care for you and will miss you.

Patrick
Grand Rapids, MI
USA