Today I discussed the finer details of the case against the VUmc gender team at the medical disciplinary commission with my lawyer, Yme Drost. I came away from it with a pretty down-cast feeling. I didn't put my chances very high to begin with, but when an experienced lawyer puts the chances of winning a case at no more than literally just a couple of percent, you know there's little reason to feel upbeat. Today I received the news that the disciplinary commission has rejected the MRI evidence, claiming that they - too - can not see any evidence on it of me being intersex.
The relevance of getting something out of this disciplinary case is that it determines whether we'll have any chance at all of winning a personal injuries lawsuit in which I could actually receive compensation for the many years I have had to suffer. If the commission does not acknowledge any of the claims, there won't be any such case. It'd be end of the line. Do not go past Start, do not collect $200. The likelihood of this is well over 90%.
I'll still go through the motions, of course. If only for the possible media attention. Getting any kind of acknowledgement of wrongdoing, let alone any form of compensation for the years I lost and the psychological and physical damage I had to suffer, all that is quite unlikely. I'll have to get used to the idea that in about two months time my final chance to get justice for my sufferings will have passed. I don't think that'll be easy at all.
My hope right now is that I'll soon hear positive news from this German surgeon, and that he will be able to help me. Getting that surgery should mean the final, irrefutable evidence which would not only give me a real chance at getting justice, but also mean redemption. Redemption from all those years of false accusations by Dutch physicians, psychologists and politicians that I was just making it all up. Redemption from all the doubts and crushing lack of self-confidence. The occurrence of a bloody miracle.
A miracle is also what's needed to win this legal battle. At the rate things are moving there won't be justice and the VUmc gender team can move on with torturing others like me, as well as mutilating intersex newborns with forced genital surgery. It's maddening that I also see and understand why it's unlikely I'll win. Just don't admit the German evidence, discount it and you get complete unity among the medical evidence. It's just crazy old me. Alone against whatever the heck is behind nearly a decade of Dutch unity to brainwash and torture me. Down to the last moment.
I know that I won't be living in the Netherlands for any longer than absolutely necessary. Before the end of the year I'll be living in Germany. I know it can be done. It will happen. It's all I have left to hang on to. Germany as a safe haven. The final escape from the madness of the Netherlands. I doubt that I'll ever understand why an entire country felt the need to unite against me; why things happened like that, and why justice won't ever be served.
You can't fight the system.