After another rather hectic day at work yesterday which had me feeling almost feverish, with shaking hands and a profound feeling of being sick, I figured that I should take it easier today. Especially because when I got home yesterday the first thing I did was sleep for three hours, wake up, eat something and went straight to bed afterwards. Yet even waking up this morning I was feeling drained of energy, with the strange distortion of my hearing on the left side being present again somewhat.
Thus today I did not work on any of these chapters I still have to finish for the book I'm writing for Packt Publishing, nor did I do anything else project-wise. The most strenuous thing I have done all day was some research into further equipment I may wish to purchase for my growing electronics laboratory/workshop.
After purchasing an oscilloscope and electronic load so far, I'm now looking at obtaining a power factor meter and an insulation tester. This focused on the testing of power supplies I wish to perform for a series of articles, with as main focus those USB power adapters commonly used to charge phones and tablets. They are used everywhere, but their general quality is at best debatable and at worst lethal, as some people have found out the past years. With power supply quality one of my electronics pet peeves, I figured that it'd be a nice start for this new electronics site with accompanying YouTube channel I wish to start this year.
Beyond said research I also watched more episodes of this anime series I'm currently rewatching, called Gilgamesh. The fun thing about this series is that I watched it years ago, but only recalled that it was pretty darn good, while being unable to recall any specific scenes beyond those at the very beginning. I'm nearly at the end now, and I must agree with my past self that it's a pretty darn good series, with a good, subtle plot, believable characters and a story which has you coming back for more. The ending better not disappoint me or I'll have to be angry at my past self for lying to me.
One such series which I simply cannot rewatch even though it was awesome for the most part is Shingetsutan Tsukihime. The ending just completely ruins the entire story and everything that has been built up at that point. Maybe I should just read the manga there and hope that it's better. It's always a shame when an anime ruins the manga's story, but there you go. At least it's not as bad as Hollywood's attempts at interpreting classic works for its target audience. Now that's just bloody.
Despite not doing much of note today I still notice that as my energy levels drop I begin to feel this sense of profound sadness and forlornness creeping into my mind again. It's not as bad as yesterday, when upon returning home I felt done with everything and everyone, just wanting to bury myself and forget the world exists for at least the weekend. Or on Thursday when I had an emotional collapse once home, ending up coming pretty close to more permanent forms of self-harm. Right now I'm not feeling particularly like hitting myself, nor futilely trying to crush my skull with my bare hands in order to silence the pain inside. All that fun stuff.
Today's main purpose is to allow me to recharge some and hopefully regain some sense of me being an actual human being. With all the medical experimentation and super-urgent work being pushed onto me, it's often easy to forget that I'm more than a medical experiment and more than just a cute little cog in some monstrous machine. Forgetting about ridiculous superfluous and incredibly painful things like gender, sexuality and such is also an important part of this exercise.
On days like these it's totally fine to just sit inside all day in front of a computer screen in your training slacks or whatever else feels comfortable to wear. There's nothing to prove, nothing to accomplish. Just the wholesome activity of letting one's mind wander about. I could not possibly go on vacation, let alone relax during one, but I can shut out the world for just a little bit like this for much of a day.
The next two days it's back to grinding on these last chapters, however. Then on Tuesday I'll get to see the results of my desperate efforts to put a release build together on Friday. I cannot wait.
But for the rest of today... nothing in particular.
Maybe I can learn to properly relax some day :)