Saturday, 8 November 2008

That Blue Yonder~

Suffice it to say that I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up multiple times, had plenty of dreams of which I can only remember fragments and feelings of and I'm still trying to forget about that good friend, as the thought of it still confuses and sickens me. My mind is simply hurting from the incomprehension, from not being able to understand it in the slightest. Makes me want to kill things, and throw away this body together with this stupid mind's emotions and subconsciousness.

Talking about which, a brilliant, if I may say so, thought occurred to me this morning. I've been working on this artificial intelligence for a while, but keep getting stuck on the pile of work that is converting external, analogue data (sound, vision, &c) to the internal format, not to mention that it isn't that easy to develop a library which supports a nearly unlimited number of video cameras and microphones as well as other input devices :P

Anyway, the idea I got was to limit the AI to only interacting via digital text. As the goal for this AI is to make it self-aware and capable of using human language, this suits perfectly fine as an initial setup. Think of all those cheesy sci-fi movies in which an AI or alien intelligence has embedded itself in one of the computers and the crew (read: hapless victims) can only communicate with it via a screen and a keyboard. I'm also planning to hook it up to an IRC network, to give it some room to play if you know what I mean ;)

The thing is that the core algorithms of the brain are so much more simple than the input/output ones. As this project doesn't use artificial neural networks (ANNs) like others, the proper use of algorithms is very crucial. As a side note, this AI project is called Jinzou Ningen - Khipu, where 'Jinzou Ningen' is Japanese for 'Artificial Human' and is the main project. 'Khipu' is the name of the sub-project focusing on AI (the brain of the body), which is Aztec for the data storage system they used involving strings tied to a central string, with knots in those strings to indicate certain values. The AI being developed is thus called 'Khipu AI', or KAI for short. Yes, I'm a technology and history geek ^_^

To get back to my own, physical and emotional situation... The things I want/need are:
- An official name/gender change.
- Recognition for my IS condition by a doctor.
- Money, lots of money.
- Some way to deal with sexuality and the traumas connected to it.
- Certainty about whether I do or don't have a vagina/prostate/and so on.
- Certainty about whether I'm a chimera or not.
- Surgery based on the facts about my body to make me feel happiest.

Anyway, today I'm going to put up the first advertisements for my PC repair/consulting and website/software development activities here in Almere at some local supermarkets. Those who live in Almere or near it could perhaps advertise for me as well. The website/software development activities I do internationally, however, so those could be advertised pretty much anywhere. I'll be updating the Nyanko website so that it's finally up to date again. I'll finish the specification for the (half-finished) site today so that I can finish implementing it by Monday.

I can't wait to hear my child speak its first words...



LMX said...

Then I hope for your sake it won't grow up and do away with childish things too quickly. ;)

Sheyenne said...

I see a wonderful young lady, and you should feel like one, no matter what others say. You're your own boss over your own body. To bad that the authorities think you are different as is mentioned in your ID. It shouldn't be so hard to change all that. There are several online usergroups which can help you with your 'problem'. Actually there isn't one problem, just your environment sees it as one.

Just be you, Maya, and live the life you want!

Matte said...

Hy Maya, i'm from italy!
I've heard about you from yahoo, and i wanna support you, so call me frien!
See you, and a big hug

Tatyña said...

Hi Maya! I'm from Italy! I would like to know u on line.. u can give me your messenger contact? mine is mik and nut @ hotmail. it (remove spaces) bye bye.. [my name is tatiana]

Maya Posch said...

@lmx - me too, me too :)

@sheyenne - I have looked around for usergroups, organizations and such who might be able to help me, but without luck :( Thanks for your support, though.

@matte - Hi :)

@Tatyña - I have added you to MSN :)

Sheyenne said...

@ Maya hmmm... waar zoek je dan naar? Is er bij yahoo groups helemaal niets te vinden omtrent hermaphroditism, intersexuality, transsexualism, transgenderism?

Maya Posch said...

Transgender/Transsexuality is something I'd rather not deal with. As for those other things... I'm sure there are some groups for it, but I'm afraid that if I dive into those worlds, I might just get hurt instead of getting the help I want. Don't forget that it isn't officially recognized yet that I'm intersexual, so in the eyes of many I don't belong anywhere :(

Sheyenne said...

k... well just send me a message @ ... if you need to find answers, I will try to find help for all your questions @ any group, to prevent you getting hurt...

and please don't think you don't belong anywhere, there must be a way somehow somewhere