Sunday, 21 March 2010

Failure And Success

What's there to be said at this point, really? After the article in this country's largest newspaper there has been virtually no response and no interest in my story from the media. One news show, 'Netwerk', initially contacted me but decided against using my story as they had done an item on that South-African athlete last year and deemed that they had 'already treated the subject sufficiently'. Considering the big changes which occurred here politically and socially after that news item, it has illustrated to me rather succinctly that the media and journalists in general only care about their careers and bottom lines. So what if something terrible happens somewhere and it is being ignored? If it doesn't make headlines it isn't worth covering. There is so much one doesn't see in the news because covering the latest celebrity gossip and reality shows is more asked for by the public.

Now, don't get me wrong, I won't be canceling any outstanding interviews or so. I have got an interview for the magazine 'Yes' the 30th and I intend to go through with it. I'll still take anything I can get, I just have to keep in mind that it won't change anything for me or those like me. The public and thus the media and politicians just don't care enough about it.

In related news, my time at the UMCG hospital appears to be officially over. Last I wrote about it, I described how the UMCG had offered to take a further look at my case if I promised to pretend I was a transsexual or somesuch. I answered that I was at least willing to discuss what they had in mind in terms of further tests, examinations and the psychiatric talks they had in mind. After that I didn't hear anything for a month until I sent another email to Weijmar Schultz to remind him. He replied with the message that the psychiatrist Jiawan who is part of the gender team there was supposed to have called me for an appointment.

Friday I got a letter in the mail from the UMCG informing me that I was expected for an appointment with this Jiawan at the psychiatric department of the UMCG in a month time. This brought back so many bad memories, frustrations, anger and traumas. Why did I have to talk to a shrink if I came to them with a purely medical question? What part of 'I'm intersexual and would like to know how my body is put together' don't they understand? I have talked to psychologists and psychiatrists and doctors and god knows who else for over five years now and never once have they listened to me or attempted to understand me. I'm drawing the line now and I'm drawing it right here.

After turning the letter into confetti, I called the psychiatric department of the UMCG and explained to the friendly lady who answered why I would want to cancel my appointment using some of the same arguments as listed above. She asked me whether Jiawan could call me if he had any questions, to which I said yes. If he does call me next week I won't get angry, or anything, but I will explain why I refuse to be their toy any longer, that I refuse to be treated as anything but an intersexual person and that I do have rights. I do not feel I can trust the UMCG any more than the VUMC, Erasmus MC and AMC hospitals. There is no way I can continue a relationship with them if I don't feel that I'm respected and listened to.

Of course this leaves me with absolutely nothing I can do medically in this country at least, and I lack the financial resources to try foreign countries. There is also no legal recourse for me, as it's both very expensive and to the law none of the hospitals involved probably did anything 'wrong', as Pieter pointed out to me.

In all of these failures and retreats there's only one tiny glimpse of light, namely my appointment with a lawyer tomorrow on my name change. It may not be much, but it still feels like a victory that I can make the bloated, uncaring system move even this tiny bit.


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