A few hours ago the pain in my arm subsided and vanished. The past few hours I have been feeling distracted, completely demotivated and restless. The past half hour I have been crying out my entire soul. The only thing I can think of is how much pain it does to exist, and how fantastic it would be to make this pain go away once and forever. I also realize that I have no easy and absolutely no guaranteed way to kill myself, and I don't want to feel more pain. Else I would be dead already right now.