Longing For Simplicity

Yesterday I went to bed at close to 10 PM, then got woken up by the dogs howling downstairs in their bench. Pieter was gone most of the day to some bachelor party and had said he'd return probably around 10 or 11 PM. As it turned out it wasn't until 2 AM that he returned, and between the howling dogs and me waiting and worrying for Pieter I was unable to fall asleep again until he returned and after reading a lot of chapters in my current book (R.A. Salvatore's The Orc King, part 1 of the Transitions series). It was 3.30 AM by then, and I woke up again at 6, resulting in a wonderful 2 + 2.5 hours of sleep. Short naps can't be added up as though they're a single uninterrupted sleep, on a sidenote.

This morning I was able to try out my new swimming goggles for the first time, and I must say that my experiences were quite awesome. It was just great to notice the difference between swimming with and without them, as I no longer had to worry about the water getting into my eyes, and I could take on the proper posture instead of having to focus on keeping my head dry. Being able to swim underwater was great too, and something I haven't done in many years. I was still quite good at it, doing 18 meters underwater with ease.

After one such dive I had a woman ask me whether I wasn't worried about people jumping into the water from those floating devices and such and land on top of me. I assured that I was swimming deep enough to avoid that. After this we talked a lot more, until close to closing time. It's interesting how one can randomly encounter people like that.

Today I have been free of weird pains, fortunately. I only had a small episode earlier when I withdrew into myself for a moment and started crying when Pieter tried to comfort me. To be quite honest I don't want to think about my upcoming birthday, or upcoming anything. I'm so tired of realizing how screwed up my life is, how screwed up I am and would much rather just deal with uncaring science and technology. I just wish I could make my body not exist as well, instead of having it serve as a pungent reminder.


Maya