Today during my noon-time nap I had a really interesting and mostly pleasant dream. It featured the female friend who last visited me, late last year. In short, the dream involved us two cuddling, lying down and generally feeling incredibly at ease. It still makes me feel sad that I haven't felt like that in a long time. It's one thing to shut out all emotions and attempt to focus on the truly important stuff like work, but I can't ignore the fact that I love physical contact (cuddling, hugging, a pat on the shoulder...), not to mention the sensation of having someone nearby in real life who understands you and not only appreciates your efforts, but easily joins in with your projects as well. I guess I'm merely human after all, even if wish I wasn't...
Today I did some more work on the new Nyanko.ws company website. I'm close to finishing the new Content Management System (CMS), which I have written from scratch in a combination of PHP, MySQL, XHTML, CSS and JS. You know, the usual stuff virtually every web developer uses :) with apologies to the handful of ASP.NET/JSP developers ;)
The reason why I chose to write the CMS from scratch was largely because I could only see existing CMSs as being so generic and so bloated that using a CMS like Joomla or Drupal would be about as elegant as balancing an elephant on the edge of a porcelain tea cup. Not to mention that these CMSs have so much overhead, are extremely difficult to write extensions for or to customize for a site, and have more bugs in them than the air on a midsummer's afternoon.
With some luck I will have the new Nyanko site up and running next week. It should be relatively easy to debug as it consists out of fewer than 1,000 lines of code, has been fully documented and commented, plus I have gone through the code with a fine-toothed comb a few times already. The design of the website shouldn't change much from the way it looks now, unless anyone has some great suggestions? :)
Right now I'm having some difficulty breathing. It's as though I simply can't get enough air into my lungs and it's giving me a headache. Supposedly this is merely due to stress, and it's the beginning of hyperventilating. The breathing exercises don't seem to help a lot, though. At any rate I have made an appointment with my GP on Thursday. I promised to keep her updated on the status with the VUMC, apparently I'll get to tell her that I have been placed on the waiting list for a few months, am still officially undiagnosed, yet I'm at a point where I collapse nearly daily from the emotional stress, suffer from concentration lapses and fatigue, not to mention the general sense of restlessness I seem to be affected by.
I guess dreams will just be dreams...