Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Still Undefined...

After a few calls by Pieter to the VUMC to ask for some urgency in my case, I received a letter today from the VUMC. The contents in short:

They're willing to look at my case again and will place me on the waiting list.

They have looked at my files and have concluded that this is not a case of intersexuality, and they'll have me talk to a psychologist for further diagnostics.

The latter point is especially interesting, as only a short while ago the sexuologist from the AMC concluded that I'm most definitely not transsexual. If I'm neither transsexual nor intersexual, what does remain? What upsets me is that things appear to keep moving along very slowly, that I will have to keep fighting to get people to listen to me and that the possibility of actual treatment is still as remote as ever. In other words, this year is shaping up to become just like the past four years. The only difference is that this year I'm decidedly on the edge emotionally, suffering from PTSD, multiple traumas and suicidal moods. Being put into this situation again is the last thing I was hoping for.

At this moment I'm holding my emotions back, and haven't shed a single tear yet. I can feel the turmoil inside, however. Pieter is going to make a few phone calls today. Hopefully some things will be cleared up...


Maya

3 comments:

Experiencing Subject said...

I am very confused.
You were burn and classified as a male due to external genitalia, correct?
You had a psychological tendency towards femininity, and in your twenties you (bravely) decided to reassign your self to a feminine role.

What is your body genetic makeup? Are you XX, XY, XXY or something other?
Did you take hormones to augment your breasts, or did you body produced those on it's own programming?
do you posses internal female or male organs? arre you prodcutive as a male?
did you undergo sexual reassimnet surgery which failed, or are you raising a fund for such?

reading your blog, this factual information is very not clear.(regardless of the title seeking behavior of the established medical institutions)

Maya Posch said...

Yes, officially I was classified as a male. Subconsciously I moved closer to feminine behaviour, yes.

My blood is XY, the rest I don't know. I have been taking hormones for about two years now, but I experienced breast growth during puberty for a few months as well.

I'm not sure whether I possess internal female organs, that's one of the major questions the experts seem to be confused on. I'm completely infertile.

I have not undergone any kind of surgery. My goal is to learn what I do and don't have in terms of reproductive organs, and decide based on that in how far I want to change my body.

I will create a FAQ to make such information more clear.

Metaholic said...

Than all it takes is for you to undergo sexual reassignment, join the transsexual community and find love, peace and an integrated body image.
Stop this denial, it's doing you no good.
you'r just making your self miserable, in a time and age of understanding, social opportunities and viable medical options. this IS 2009 girl.

But I can only show you the door, you have to walk throguh it.
Choose Life.