In Between And Neither

On Monday I wrote and published the next part of the In Between and Neither story which is slowly turning into a novel. You can read both parts which have been published so far here: http://www.scribd.com/document_collections/2600543.

For me this story is also very interesting, as it is a different way of looking at myself and at my past. There are a lot of elements in it which really happened, some of them exactly as in the story, others in different situations or contexts, with some elements made up, but which are still 'what ifs'. What if I had found out about what was going on when I was still going to school? What if this mob who bullied me during primary school had found another thing to latch on to?

The character Alice is of course completely based on me, and I just threw her into a slightly different universe, with some of the above changes added. As far as I can tell it makes for a story which is in many ways different from my own life, and yet offers many insights which are relevant to my own life. I guess it offers a form of therapy.

Catherine is the mother figure, who has experienced something terrible herself, allowing her to gain a better understanding of the darker side of humanity. I think her character is based mostly on this woman I met a few years ago, who when she was about my age had a boyfriend who turned out to be somewhat like those figures you see in bad horror movies. In short she got terribly abused in a sexual manner by that boyfriend. In the story there's no such experience for Catherine, but something which applies more directly to Alice's situation. In a sense Alice is the daughter Catherine was never able to see grow up thanks to ignorance.

Writing these chapters is quite tough on me, as it draws directly from my own memories, pain and frustrations. This is why I have to write a whole chapter (parts) at once, as once I have started there's no way I can stop writing, much like I can't stop these PTSD flashbacks once they start again. Follow the rabbit into its hole and see where ever you end up, Alice. Or something. I think the Alice in this story did end up in a kind of Wonderland, although more like the one in the Czech movie 'Alice' than the one in the children's story. Much like my own world, hers is somewhat of a twisted, nightmarish world where there is no escape, no time or place to rest and only things to run away from.

I wish there was someone like Catherine in my life as well. Or maybe there is and I haven't noticed yet?


Maya