Thursday, 2 December 2010

Help At Last?

Before I begin, I apologize for any glitches you may encounter in the following post. I'm trying to cope with a somewhat degrading living situation and any fall-out which may be the result of upcoming confrontations. It does take a fair bit of one's concentration and energy :)

Earlier today I received an email from my contact person at BNN, who forwarded me a message BNN had received on November 17th (yes, two weeks ago), from a surgery-assistant at the UMC Utrecht hospital, directed at me. The woman in question informed me that she had seen the TV broadcast on November 9th and since she works at the Wilhelmina Kinderziekenhuis (Wilhelmina Children's Hospital) which is connected to the UMC Utrecht, and she encounters quite a few intersex cases among the children she sees during her work, it piqued her interest and she decided to discuss it with a doctor there.

This doctor, a urologist called Pieter Dik, indicated that he could possibly help me, so that's when the assistant decided to send me the message. Although the time delay did put somewhat of a blemish on the joy this evoked for me, it's nevertheless quite possible that this is the breakthrough I have been looking for. I sent Dr Dik an email at any rate and hope to hear from him soon. I also sent the surgery-assistant a thank-you email for her troubles :)

Part of me feels exulted at this news, while another part is completely skeptical. The coming months should make it clear which side was more justified in its response. One thing which helps is that this is the first time a hospital has come forward and offered to help me, instead of me having to go there to beg for help. I'd like to think I'm done with the groveling at this point.

Maybe if things go well, I could stop using these sedation pills as well. The past two days I had been experimenting with a lower dosage (240 mg/day instead of 500 mg valerian root extract), but with a clearly more distinct emotional response and duration during the day with the sedation effect quickly wearing off after dinner time, making my nights quite restless. I had to resort to taking extra pills of the 60 mg variety the first night, and a sleeping pill the second.

The complete rush or should I say torrent of feelings and thoughts which assault me without the sedation effect is just astounding. I can't believe I managed to do anything useful with all that going on inside my head. Suffice it to say that I won't be rid of these pills until some things in my life fundamentally change, the primary ones being getting the answers I seek about my body and becoming financially independent and living on my own. I never thought I'd yearn to leave my current place, but lately triggers related to traumas have been sneaking into life here, and I feel I need a complete break from it.

Maybe next year is the year when everything turns out alright after all...


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