I figured I would post a slightly more upbeat post for a change. The motivation for this post is that the reasons for why I'm fleeing the Netherlands to find safety in Australia are scattered on my blog and site. I'll try to briefly summarize the reasons in this post.
The very first thing to go wrong in my life which was due to the system in this country was the way my giftedness was handled. As I describe in the summary on my main site, I have a pretty rare form of giftedness, which makes me a 100% visual-spatial learner as opposed to the more usual step-by-step learner. On top of that I have an auditory deficiency which is due to said giftedness. Basically I have to translate auditory (spoken) items to and from my internal (visual) way of thinking. I think in pictures, essentially, where most people think in words.
The education system wasn't ready to deal with a case like mine, and like every other gifted person in the Netherlands I had to suffer through school until things finally went lobsided. My giftedness and the way it turned me into an outcast even during primary school wasn't handled at all by my environment. There is no place for gifted people in the Netherlands. It's all about dumbing down the system enough for the bottom 50% of society. If you're stupid, you get help. If you're smart, you're expected to take care of things yourself. Hello under-performing and rebelling against society.
Next up on the list is of course my intersexuality. I'm far more bitter about the way this got handled by this country than about how my giftedness got handled, and it's the primary reason why I'm fleeing this country. To put it as short as possible, the past six and a half years I have been persecuted for my intersexuality, have been denied medical help and have been mentally abused by psychologists in their attempts to brainwash/reprogram me into believing that I wasn't intersexual but something else.
For the medical side, I have a nice list summarizing what went wrong: http://www.mayaposch.com/irregularities.php
Issues range from a refusal to perform examinations/tests to lying about tests supposedly performed (faking tests), to physicians making up nonsensical diagnoses which do not even exist, or are a derivation of a condition made up by some psychologist who has been rejected by everybody else (gynaephilia, expanded into autoparagynaecophilia: http://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2011/05/autoparagynaecophilia-explained.html ). The diagnosis intersexuality has not been made in the Netherlands, but has been by two German private clinics, who have been ignored by the Dutch physicians.
While I have experienced a lot of other unpleasant things the past years, including rape, sexual assault and abuse, these pale in comparison to the event which finally made me decide to leave this country: http://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2011/05/taking-nightmare-notch-further.html
I suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, http://mayaposch.blogspot.com/2011/05/dissociation.html) as well as various other traumatic disorders. This led to the earlier linked event where I snapped after a family doctor's office didn't do their job (again), broke a few glass items and was promptly arrested by the police and thrown in jail where I spent the night. Result: nerve damage in my wrists from the cuffs being put on as tight as possible, bruises all over my body from getting grabbed, punched and bashed into walls and car doors, and damage in my right knee of which I'm not sure how serious it is. No apologies were offered from the side of the police or the family doctor's office.
Currently I suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks as a result of this last experience. Compounded by all my previous experiences it has really opened my eyes to the truth; that the Netherlands does not recognize sexual diversity, whether it involves homosexuals (regularly beaten up and bullied), transsexuals (gone into hiding a long time ago) and intersexual people (neither the medical system nor the Dutch government recognizes their existence).
Earlier this year I attempted to lobby the Dutch government into acknowledging the existence of intersexuality, but without luck. Only party I got a bit of contact with was Groenlinks (Green Left), but I recently got accused by my contact person there of lying about the physicians lying to me. Considering that politicians are supposed to represent the people, that was a pretty disappointing experience.
The contrast between the Netherlands and Australia couldn't be greater: Australia recognizes the existence of intersexual people, my Australian transsexual friends are quite happy about the situation there, there is an intersexual politician in Melbourne, and there are many clinics which specialize in cases like mine. Maybe it's the proximity to Asia (Thailand especially being famous for its sexual diversity), but from what I have seen and heard it's heaven compared to the Netherlands.
The shocking truth is that the Netherlands isn't a tolerant country. When I tell people this they initially don't believe me, but when I describe the things 'different' people have to suffer in this country, they can only agree. It took me a while to accept this truth as well. After all I was born and raised in this country, and it is with a heavy heart that I'll be leaving it. But it's the only way. The only way to survive. The only way to let the world know what is happening in the Netherlands.
Edit: At the request of a friend I'm adding some information on my skill set and job I'm looking for in Australia. My resume can be found at http://www.mayaposch.com/cv.php and my portfolio at http://www.mayaposch.com/portfolio.php. Basically I have a lot of programming experience in various languages (C/C++, PHP, Java, C#), am familiar with various OSes (Windows, Linux, BSD, etc.), hardware architectures, and am also very good at technical writing (documentation, etc.). Outside programming I have experience with many spoken languages (Dutch, English: fluent; Japanese: getting there), managing teams (fansubbing group, software projects), running a business (software company since June 2006). And so on. I proud myself on being very versatile and a quick learner.
The job I'm looking for in Australia is probably in the ICT sector. I would love to work on a fun game development project, or something else that's fun and exciting. I'd also like to work on less exciting things, such as writing financial software, if it pays enough and the work environment is pleasant. I have gone through a lot of stressful experiences I have to learn to deal with, still, and it would be nice if some allowances would be made because of this. Also with an eye on my medical situation.
Maya
6 comments:
It's me bitgod/Fysx, hope you do the right thing and leave, no one deserves to be treated the way you are. I wish I could help you :(
Y'know, I've always been proud of the fact that over here in Dutchland we don't tend to ostracize people based on their sexuality. Reading your story took away quite a bit of that pride.
Best of luck in your struggle.
Thank you, guys.
The general image of the Netherlands is that it's a very liberal and progressive country. Sadly this is only true for more deprived things like drugs and sex. When it comes to sexual diversity and diversity in general there is more of a zero-tolerance policy in place.
Homosexuals are getting beaten up each year by the thousands, transsexuals rarely dare to show themselves and intersex people have basically gone into hiding, denying their own existence as much as Dutch politics and physicians do. It's a sick, sick place.
I am quite flabberghasted.
I conqur, this country is not longer the country I grew up in. It is now evolving beyond meddlesome into a type of pedantic that's well in to DSM Sadism.
fuck them ! THEY are losing you. You are the chaos, life and brains they need to keep their country and business running. You need love and these hateful institutions deserve to crash and burn, you are enlightened to spread your word !
Freedom is the ultimate wealth and Alterity is its lover. You have ceased to be blind about some things, not without suffering. The effort has not to be worth it, you ARE the effort this world has to realize is true. Your name means "illusion" in Hindi, the maïa is the reflection of reality that we see and hides the truth from our eyes. I think you have been through experiences that have helped you see much more than others, them who keep believing in what they see, what they're told, and what they get themselves into.
At least that's how I project my own experiences into your blog posts =) sorry for the illuminated writing...
This world is hostile and we always get good will promises from blind thieves.
I wont trust anyone to their good intentions, or belief in treatment, i hate doctors, though they saved my life more than once, i hate the state and its way of shoving me into a mold of institutions each less adapted to my problems. I hate these big structures that are collapsing on the people that pay for them. I live in France, this country which is so proud and known for its freedom, but when you look at the state, economy, and institutions, this is an illusion twice as great as the reputation.
I hope you will get well and make them pay some day.
Sorry about your experiences. Having gone through nothing that comes close to the trauma you've experienced, I've nevertheless come to the same conclusion: the dutch are intolerant of anything that diverges from the "typical," whether that's sex or drugs or wanting to shop at 1900 on a weekday.
This may not have always been the case (obviously, there was once a time where marijuana had to be accepted and such), but it most definitely is the case now. I won't get into all my ravings against this reversion to the mean that is holland (I've got my own blog where I can vent for that, lol).
One final point about dutch pride - you mentioned the education system and the smart "taking care of themselves." That's not completely true - the smart are expected to dumb themselves down and not "show off" to the others. I was talking about this to some high school kids, asking whether or not this was true, and one of them piped up "yes it is! I'm so sick of it, that's why I'm leaving a year early for university."
So they don't even recognize "talents" as such, they often see it as showmanship if you aren't "satisfied" with just a passing grade. It's a really disturbing cultural trend if you think about it.
Best of luck in Oz!
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