Not much to say other than that part of me really wants to just give up on fighting this world war with countless fronts and battles, instead just stepping out of the door and starting walking. Maybe I'll apply for refugee-status along the way. It'd be one way to get into Norway or similar country.
I'm so worn-out from being scared and terrified of this horrible country which I'm forced to call 'my' country, even though the mere thought of associating myself with this disgusting pile of corrupted, rotting systems makes me feel sick to the point of throwing up. Like any other abused child or woman I should just leave this place instead of hoping that maybe tomorrow I won't get beaten or tied down or kicked.
Maybe the real issue in my situation is that I haven't worked out the nerve yet to just abandon everything I have in this horrible country and flee for real. Even if it gives up my company, my contacts with friends, the little bit of media attention I have gathered and hoping that I will actually find a better place once I have wrestled through the barbed wire surrounding the concentration camp called 'the Netherlands'.
It can't be right that I consider suicide with the most casual of attitudes, can it? Something is wrong here...