I'm seriously considering cutting off most of my access to the internet and locking myself up inside my room until at least the 25th. If I have to deal with any more of this pain I'll go insane and really do something stupid.
Today I have finally erased my Facebook account, as the entire site seems to be flooded with moronic, perverted retards. During the years that I've been on Facebook I've met so few decent people that I don't need more than one hand to count them all. More recently I tried this Private Gallery app which, as it turns out, is actually a Pr0n Gallery app, which nearly everyone violating the Terms of Service by posting themselves in the most disgustingly inappropriate poses ever (with the men mostly trying to impress others by showing close-ups of their manhood. Losers).
The past days I've been assaulted by endless streams of guys intent on either sexually harassing me, or showing off their immense retardation, no doubt caused by severe inbreeding and the use of illegal substances. This with many girls showing that they're nothing but moronic, brainless, walking slutty bags filled with only eggs and a womb. If this is what most of society desires to be, then I weep for mankind.
*takes a deep breath*
Anyway, most of this post will sound quite familiar to regular readers. I have reached a point where I absolutely reject sexuality, can not accept men within a few kilometers from any female without me flipping out, and am struggling more and more with flashbacks from the rape.
A few days ago, shortly before I was going to bed, I started feeling so depressed and miserable that after I had found NG still awake and had thrown me into his arms, the first words I uttered to him were: "I want to die...". If he had offered me a painless means of suicide at that point, I'd gladly have accepted it.
Instead I admitted that one source of my depressions was that I feel so terribly, terribly alone, leaving me far too much time to think too much and get all worked up about things I can't do anything about right now. NG suggested that I should join activities here in Almere, like table tennis, the fitness club or swimming. I chose the latter. Tomorrow I'll attempt to convince myself that I really want to go outside and venture into a swimming pool where I've never been before.
Wish me luck,