Yesterday I finally received the CD with MRI images. No MRI report from the second clinic, though, as in that case they'd have required me to pay for a full scan (hundreds of Euros). I can clearly see that this is the CD they used in Duisburg as it's been opened. Looking at the images on the CD it's clear that these are different images than on the first CD. On the first CD I could even see fat deposits near the tummy area, something which I don't have. Together with this letter I got two more from the first German clinic, two (identical) bills for the CD. I sent Privatescan an email to inquire about this, as I didn't realize I had to pay for it since they sent me the wrong CD to begin with.
Also received with these letters was one from the VUMC's complaint commission. In it they argued that what I propose for my physical configuration (both a penis and vagina) is impossible and is not found in the medical literature. Because the CD with MRI images I gave them (with the wrong images, naturally) didn't show the presence of female organs, they reject my complaint.
In it they do point out that the absence of a prostate can be clarified by atrophication. With me taking hormones, it is shrinking and becoming less dense. This would explain why on the ultrasound I had a few years ago they did see a prostate and now they don't.
So I'll get nothing back for the 2.5 years I've wasted fighting against psychologists. In their eyes I'm just a poor kid suffering from gender dysmorphia, who can not accept that he is subject to this and instead has conjured up ideas of being intersexual. I can honestly say that if next Wednesday's conversation with the doctor from the Erasmus MC doesn't produce any results, I'm just about ready to give up.
Here I am again... defending myself against what I see as injustice. No specialist has ever interested him or herself enough to actually look at me and perform some tests which matter. It was just me gathering evidence through whatever means I saw available to slowly assemble a likely answer to why my body is so odd. The frustration over the lack of recognition of this fact by medical specialists is producing an enormous amount of stress for me, and is the prime reason why I'm suffering from depressions and suicidal moods.
Two days ago a Dutch (female) friend I know via IRC suddenly started yelling at me and treating me like dirt. This was enough to decide to abandon online interactions as well. All I've got now is my work which is only for myself and this last attempt at getting my IS condition recognized.
In the end I'm alone... abandoned and undefined... yet another meaningless existence. Too much pain to keep living...