Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Let's Try This...

Well, my birthday was rather uneventful, I spent it with Pieter watching movies and eating apple pie (which was kind of fun in itself... Pieter still is one of my bestest friends and a great guy to hang out with in general :) ). The vanishing girl didn't show up and to this day I haven't heard from her. Either something bad happened again, or something more sinister is going on. It's at times like this when I wish that something like a more regular relationship would open up to me, instead of these things which just makes me feel more miserable about myself, as though something is wrong with me which makes it impossible for me to make friends or have relationships.

Also on my Thursday I got a sudden call from a national (public) TV broadcaster, the AVRO. They had received my story (like a month or two ago) and the woman on the phone wanted to ask me a few questions. While she didn't deem my case suitable for the particular show she was calling for, she'd nevertheless make my data available to other shows (current and future). Who knows, I may hear something from it again within the next 5 years.

On Wednesday (sudden flashback) I went to my GP (physician) because I still felt miserable and had suffered from severe stomach cramps on Tuesday night. She deemed that tests wouldn't be needed as the most likely cause for my physical discomfort was stress possibly combined with flu. I had to quit with the painkillers, though, especially the ones I had borrowed from Pieter. So I did.

On Thursday I felt miserable and depressed, on Friday I felt fine, even happy, on Saturday miserable again and Sunday fine. On Monday I simply felt like like curling up and dying, at which point Pieter made an appointment for me with my GP that same day. The result of that appointment is that at my own request I'm now taking anti-depressants (Citalopram 10 mg) and will be talking with a psychiatrist. I'm not sure about the latter yet, but after two days of taking this anti-depressant I feel that my mood has more or less stabilized.

I still feel irked, irritated, jealous and frustrated at hearing people discussing their relations, sex life and showing off their much prettier bodies (in my eyes), but I don't really get depressed at it. Or rather I'm depressed still, but instead of dropping down the dark, bottomless pit I instead keep dangling kind of on the edge, at the point where I really couldn't care less about anything. This has been my general mood for most of today now.

Anyway, next Thursday is the MRI scan at the Erasmus MC in Rotterdam. I'll see what I'll be doing tomorrow, probably helping Pieter with some odd jobs around the house and working on some of my projects. I hope to learn more about the exact reason behind the MRI scan on Thursday, as well as when the results will be known. If it's just a confirmation after they've looked at the German MRI images it'd be the most interesting of course.

Aside from the Erasmus MC there's the VUMC who don't seem to be in any particular hurry to analyse the MRI images. This is the 3rd week now and after Ms Janssen of the complaint commission supposedly called the radiologist on Friday no news has come forward. If I wasn't doped up on anti-depressants I'd probably feel really annoyed at this :)

Pieter also called the hospital in Hilversum regarding my surgery. As it turns out there are a few places in the Netherlands which do the kind of surgery I need, and we'll look at it a bit more closely after I get my condition recognized.

So yeah, time for bed now. 11 PM is late enough for me :P


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