Monday, 12 September 2011

Looking For Peace On A Battlefield

Today I had to go to the police station to give yet another statement. The doctor's office which wanted to charge me for destruction of property now also wanted to charge me with threatening the doctors and others there. Even though this is obvious nonsense as I had warned them many times in advance about my PTSD and DID conditions, and it was their negligence in performing their regular duties which triggered things. It's now up to the Justice Department to decide on this.

Further I got a very nasty call from an assistant of my current family doctor, who is back from vacation. This assistant told me that I won't get a referral to a urologist after all, as he wants to 'prevent me from getting disappointed'. They told me to go to the gender team in Amsterdam, at the VUMC. The same place where I got my initial PTSD. Mentioning this didn't help. Another hospital I called, where a friend had already had contact with a urologist there, I got told that I might get an intake one month from now and it was very doubtful they could help me there. I am getting the impression that they all think that I'm some kind of icky transsexual who is trying to cheat the system and thus refuse to help me.

A few days ago my insurance company also refused to cover the electrolysis therapy I have to undergo to remove all facial hair. I had to request coverage under the term 'transsexual', as they do not know the term 'intersex', yet both cases are similar enough that it shouldn't give any issues. The request got rejected because a) I am still officially listed as being male, and b) I should have provided an indication for the necessity years ago and it's now too late.

I honestly can not deal with any of this any more. Nothing is possible. Nothing can be done or changed. Everything I try or do is wrong or misguided.

I wish I could request asylum in Germany or so.

I wish I could escape from this battlefield.

I wish I could escape to some place where I don't have to fight for a change...

Is there such a place? Does anyone know any? Can anyone help me? Please... *cries*


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