Friday, 14 August 2009

Counting Down

Two events I'm counting down to at this point: appointment at the UMCG, 7 days; Grazia interview, 1 week, 6 days. Yesterday it hit me intensely how much I loathe going to hospitals, specialists and such, as well as how intensely grateful I am to Pieter that he is willing to accompany me. I wish from the bottom of my heart that this will be the last time that I'll be going to an appointment with such a great deal of uncertainty looming over me. After nearly five years of the same string of disappointments I think I'm due for a change of scenery, if you catch my drift. I really wish it was all over already.

I'm looking forward to the interview, though. To me it feels like a kind of justification of me stubbornly hanging on to what I feel is 'right', not necessarily about facts, but mostly about how someone with a pressing request for help should be treated. I feel like I have been treated akin to dirt by virtually every specialist and psychologist here in the Netherlands, with the real issues systematically being ignored. The magazine publication will not only make my situation and that of people like me more well-known, it should also help to uncover the truth behind the apparent fraud and other misconduct by Dutch hospitals. Just thinking back at what has happened to me thanks to them, I feel incredibly depressed as though they have literally taken away years and all purpose from my life. I hope that media attention and the hopefully resulting acceptation of who and what I am will help me regain some of my self-confidence and lessen this feeling of desperation.

Yesterday Pieter and I went to the house of a brother of his who is in the process of moving to a new house in order to pick up some furniture he doesn't need anymore. I have now gained a bed, a TV cabinet, couch and a small table for in the living room. Together with the things Pieter has for me, including a dinner table, I pretty much need just some dinner chairs and stuff for the kitchen and bathroom in my future apartment. Now the wait is on for the Bbz welfare recommendation report which the guy from the IMK is working on. I think he'll call me with the results early next week.

Today and the weekend I'll hardly see Pieter as today he has stuff to prepare for the wedding of a friend followed by that friend's bachelor party (including 'tasting' beer). He expects to be home around midnight, by which time I may already be asleep. Then tomorrow he'll leave early again for Enschede, for a Dungeons & Dragons geek fest the entire weekend. I think I may actually miss him :P

To avoid missing him too much, I'll be working on a few projects, including the new Content Management System (CMS) for the Nyanko site, Lilium and things for our current game, Even Cats Dream. I'm considering making the CMS (NCMS) available for free to others so as to speed up the debugging and development process, to eventually provide non-free licenses for commercial use (with support). Got to capitalize on what you have got, after all :)

So, time to get some breakfast and then back to work.


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