Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Tensions Rising

First of all a bit of positive news. As I have previously announced I have started treatment at a different beauty salon for hair-removal using electrical hair-removal, also known as electrolysis. I have had two treatments so far of 1.5 hours total and so far the results haven't been unimpressive. It'll take a few more weeks of treatment before I'll be able to see significant progress, though. Especially now in the beginning it's taking a quite heavy toll on my skin, with some swelling, soreness and red spots, but this should lessen as the total hair count drops.

I have canceled my appointment at the salon where I used to go to for the ELOS method. As the owner of the new salon pointed out with a small experiment, ELOS, ELLIPSE and such methods using laser would have never resulted in significant effects as my hair is simply too light. I feel silly now for not switching to this method sooner, although in my defense it took me some effort to find a salon which actually offers the electrolysis treatment. A sacrifice I have to make for this new treatment, however, is that the hairs have to be long enough to be pulled out by tweezers, and thus I can't shave a few days prior to a treatment session. While it'd take about a week of not shaving for people to really notice it on me, it still doesn't feel comfortable to me.

Now I just have to take care of the financial side of things to be able to finance this new treatment. It may work a lot better and faster than ELOS, but with weekly treatments I'll be broke without significant income before I'll know it. Hopefully I get good news on the Bbz request this week with the first cheque shortly after that. I'll probably have to borrow some more money from family members before that time, though.

Thursday I noted that the UMCG said to call back on Friday or Monday, but Monday Pieter had to call for me. We learned that the professor hadn't replied to the email they had sent him and would now try to call him. After a few hours we got a call back informing us that the appointment was now scheduled for August 21st at 2 PM. A written confirmation will follow by mail.

While I'm glad the appointment game seems to be over now, I nevertheless find it even harder to relax right now than a few weeks ago. At this point I feel completely on edge the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, often from sheer exhaustion. This morning I discussed the matter with Pieter and got quite agitated. I know that Pieter tries to remain as neutral as possible on this issue, not wanting to jump to conclusions and/or judge people, but especially now it seems to clash with my way of thinking.

I'm not out to prove anything... I truly just want to know the facts, disappointing as they may be, the thing is just that all of the available evidence seems to point to a few Dutch hospitals having lied and deceived me,invalidating their contradicting reports. What can be logically concluded other than that the two German reports are correct and I am indeed a hermaphrodite? It is not like the Dutch hospitals offer me any alternative solution anyway. They quit calling me a boy, quit calling me a transsexual, refuse to call me intersexual, refuse to test, research or investigate. They say they want to 'help' me, but refuse to give concrete details on how they want to help.

Both logically and emotionally I can only find myself siding with the German reports, and thus I find it very hard to argue with someone who wants to give the Dutch hospitals more credit than I feel they deserve. Logically I fail to see their trustworthiness, emotionally I simply hate and despise them for what they have done to me.

I just want to have the 21st come and go...


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