Monday, 29 August 2011

Not Getting Immediate Medical Help Kills Me

I thought that I wouldn't get too nervous about getting the date for that surgery appointment, but I guess I was wrong, as I found myself getting nauseous during lunch and throwing up. Felt so incredibly sick afterwards.

Once at the doctor's office I found out that I'm not getting a surgery appointment just yet, but an intake at the urology department of the local hospital. They will then have to refer me there to a hospital which can perform the procedure as they don't do it here at the Almelo hospital. Original appointment date for the intake was September 21st, but after call by me with the urology department I managed to reduce this to the 13th, so just over two weeks from now.

Only thing I can say is that my PTSD got triggered pretty badly by this. Yet another roadblock. Yet again the feeling of having something I need denied to me. Yet again 100% uncertainty. Yet again waiting for... something. I'm not sure what I'll do in the case this urologist refuses to approve the castration. And even if he does, I'm pretty sure it'll take at least a month until it can be performed.

Today I threw up and started hitting myself and tearing chunks of flesh out of my arms again. I can't take this pain.

Why, damnit? Why?! *breaks down completely*


No comments: